Hey, everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show, coming out every Thursday.

We're going to be talking about the election, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls?

We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday?

Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcast.

You're listening to Comedy Central.

I didn't have time to look this week, J.G. You got one?

Now hiring. In Wellsville, Kansas, a small

little town, they're looking for substitute teachers. Ask me why. Just ask me why. And,

oh dear, why do they need substitute teachers in Wellsville, Kansas? Because the last person they had was a state lawmaker who went into a classroom and talked about sex, masturbation, God, and the Bible.

That sounds on par for Kansas.

He would normally get a promotion.

Like, what's so egregious about that like he went

into the school and said don't have sex don't get abortions no he said do all of those things

he said and i quote oh oh shit he said make babies. Quote. And the students started recording it.

But the best part was when he laid hands on a student.

Wait, you fought a student too? You told these students, hey, y'all need to start raw dogging.

And then you fought? Well, he this the state lawmaker this is a state

lawmaker who is on the education committee of all things in the world he said i will put my hands on you

and you will feel the wrath of God.

So, now hiring.

We need more educators.

No, we do.

...