Learning to Discern Instead of Justifying Toxicity | Dr. Ramani Durvasula EP 593

The Daily Motivation

Lewis Howes

Education, Self-improvement

4.8 • 893 Ratings

🗓️ 23 April 2024

⏱️ 8 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Dr. Ramani Durvasula believes it's absolutely possible to heal and love again after narcissistic abuse by reclaiming your autonomy, though the path won't be easy; she says we must thoughtfully choose to be vulnerable despite fear because avoiding connections to avoid potential pain leads to an empty life. Dr. Ramani notes survivors tend to suppress grief and wrongly believe they can quickly "get over" trauma, yet grief inevitably resurfaces if not properly addressed, so we must honor its episodic nature through self-care. She stresses discernment around letting in toxicity versus being open to connections is key, since our tendency to fix and accommodate often overrides red flags; listening to our body's wisdom helps rewrite old attachment patterns ensnaring us in bad relationships. Though loss comes with loving, Dr. Ramani encourages survivors to embrace hope by trusting themselves again and standing tall in their worth.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	Hi my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.
0:07.0	Is it even possible to not only heal after narcissistic relationship or abuse that you've experienced in a narcissistic relationship, intimacy, but also to trust yourself again that you can choose
0:26.0	someone who isn't a narcissist.
0:28.6	100% is possible. I see love stories after narcissistic abuse for people all the time but let me tell you it's
0:37.2	a bumpy road so what I want to tell people is it's possible.
0:43.0	not easy.
0:45.0	Someone in my healing community brought this interesting line from David Kesseler's work.
0:50.0	I'm sure you know David Kesseler,'t you should have them on he's great he is
0:54.0	probably to me one of the best voices in grief that's out there right and he said
0:59.8	loss is optional and what he meant by that is he was talking
1:04.6	about his own process of grief and he said,
1:06.8	I could choose.
1:07.7	There's one way to avoid losing
1:09.7	is to never love again.
1:11.2	To never have a pet, to never have a lover, to never have a partner, to never have a friend,
1:17.0	and to not have a family.
1:18.2	And then you won't experience loss, but you won't experience life.
1:23.3	And I thought it was so beautiful because it was that idea of loss
1:26.4	is optional.
1:27.0	These do at some level do become choices.
1:29.8	And I think for me, for survivors of narcissistic abuse,
1:33.0	feeling the sense of autonomy, which tends to be
	...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Previous episode | Next episode

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Lewis Howes, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of Lewis Howes and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.