Lawyers, what did you have to explain to a complete idiot you were defending?

No, you dingus, self-defense does not mean that he punches you in the face

and then two weeks later you go to his house, ring his doorbell and kick the crap out of him.

By far and away, the strangest thing I've ever had to explain to a client is how to use an elevator.

Our courtroom was on the fourth floor, and she needed to take an elevator to get there.

I had to describe how you get in, push the four button, and then get out when the lights above show she's on floor four.

Yep. The dumbest illegal thing I've had to explain is that you can't terminate

your parental rights voluntarily and then request visitation with that child. I once had a client

who wanted to declare bankruptcy. I explained that he needed to have his tax returns over the past

few years filed in order to do so. He said he hadn't filed taxes

in 20 years because it ain't none of the government's business how much money I make. I don't

understand. People make it sound like the IRS will throw you in a federal penitentiary if you ever

dare to not file taxes, but some guy can just not file for two decades and have nothing

happen to him? Can someone explain to me how that's possible? When I was a legal intern at a

criminal defender's law office, we had a client who was charged with murder. We explained to the

client not to make any phone calls saying anything incriminating because it will be recorded.

Where prisoners can use the phone, there's a giant sign that says phone calls will be recorded.

On top of that, before you're able to call out, there's an automated recording that tells

you that all calls are being recorded and monitored unless it's to your attorney, which are covered

by privilege.

A client made a call to his girlfriend that very evening asking her to hide his weapon.

I just found out right now what happened to the case.

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