It's the radio segment that's come up with a hot new toy for your uncoordinated child.

The self-rotating hula hoop.

Self-rotating.

They don't have to know how to do it anymore.

All your kid has to do is just stand there, push the button, and let the hoop do all the work. Oh, my God. That should be really cool. Hours and hours of motionless fun with laser stories. The segment where we read weird news stories around the globe, just like everyone else does, except we've got a laser. Those other pelvic pansies just don't. This first laser story is out of Stafford, Virginia. There was an open house last Sunday for a home for sale about 40 miles south of D.C. One of the people who toured the home was 39-year-old Napoleon Boace. Oh. Nice name. That is such a fancy name. Nepoleon Bealeche. He apparently talked to the seller about how much he liked the place and thought

it would be great for him and his four kids. Oh, that's nice. And we know he was actually serious

because after the conversation, he pulled his minivan into the driveway and moved right on in.

Oh. That's like real serious. Yeah, look at Alexis.

You can get a home too. Yay. He didn't make an offer or anything. He just got his kids inside and then refused to leave. What? I'll take it. This is one of the squatters situation. It's like a nightmare. Police got there quickly and ordered him to come out, but he just stared at them through a window. So they went inside and arrested him. Oh.

I think Squatters rights is out there quickly and ordered him to come out, but he just stared at them through a window. So they went inside and arrested him.

I think squatters' rights is like 30 seconds they can get him out for it.

So they must have got me quick.

It turned out he was on probation and had warrants out in two neighboring counties.

There you go.

He's facing a long list of charges, including entering a property with intent to cause damage,

because that's what happens when you bring children into a house.

That actually checks out.

I mean, guaranteed there were stains on the carpet when they left.

That's just how it works.

I mean, you're not allowed to own anything nice after you have children.

As for the kids, child protective services took them in,

and officials said they'd be releasing them to a responsible family member.

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