Hello, it's

It's the radio segment that's reporting breaking news

The Count from Sesame Street

Just got fired from his new job at Bank of America

Because apparently he was taking too long

To help people deposit their checks

Someone depositing a huge checkque? Oh my God.

You want to deposit one, two, three.

Yes, it's $572.

Can we hurry this up, please?

It's Laser Stories.

That would be annoying.

The segment where we read weird news stories around the globe,

just like everyone else does, except we have a laser.

Those other Muppet Mouths just don't. This first laser story is out of, We read weird news stories around the globe just like everyone else does, except we have a laser.

Those other Muppet Mouths just don't.

This first laser story is out of Minnesota.

32-year-old Marissa Simonetti is a current political candidate who's in a bit of hot water, and it has nothing to do with anything political.

Oh, really? Oh.

Marissa owns an Airbnb, which is directly below her residence. Oh, that's always cool. That's actually smart. Make money where you live. Yeah, you can go down there if you hear a bunch of ruckus. Yeah. Recently, she had a law student book the space. Oh. And then complain to Marissa that she might have a spider infestation. Uh-oh. Oh, infestation.

I lived in a basement apartment for a while, man.

Hobo spiders were our thing.

...