Hello, it's laser stories.

It's the radio segment that's helping men feel even more masculine with new chest hair extensions.

Oh.

Now available in small, medium, or horsetail length.

Oh, I want to braid it.

So hot.

Order your chest hair extensions now with laser stories.

The segment where we read weird news stories around the globe, just like everyone else does,

except we've got a laser.

Those other follicle fabios just don't.

This first laser story is out of Canapolis, North Carolina.

It sounds like you just mispronounce something.

There's a K in it, Canapolis. A 20-year-old guy named Jasper Rispin and a 19-year-old named to Mario Davis broke into a rent-a-center around 2 a.m. the other day. Hey, nobody got time for that. Maybe they just had a big party and they didn't have enough tables and chairs. Yeah, not quite. Once inside. They were like, we're just renting. We'll be right back. No, they walked around looking for things to steal, but could only find a single TV. Wow, that's a busy rent-a-center. Doesn't feel worth it, does it? The cops got there as they were loading it into a trunk. And then the pair realized they might get caught.

So they jumped into separate cars and tried to speed away.

Only they crashed into each other in the parking lot.

This is like the end of a cartoon heist.

Surprisingly, they weren't done yet.

Oh.

The two quickly backed up, drove out of the parking lot, going the wrong way down

a one-way street, and both got into separate accidents.

Yes, they crashed again.

Okay.

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