Hello, it's laser stories.

It's the radio segment that found a way to switch out the annoying sound of lawn mowers

by re-engineering them to sound like a seductive moan instead.

Oh my god, how does my husband love his grass more?

Sounds like bills trimming the hedges again. With laser stories, my guy. How does my husband love his grass more? Sounds like Bill's trimming the hedges again.

With laser stories, the segment where we read weird news stories around the globe,

just like everyone else does, except we've got a laser.

Most other mowbrose just don't.

This first laser story is out of, you guessed it, Florida.

Recently, a 36-year-old man named Calvin Johnson crashed a stolen BMW.

Which, you're not supposed to do that.

No.

So when the cops showed up, they asked him what was going on, and he actually had the perfect excuse.

Not only did he not know the car was stolen, but he also, quote, teleported

into the vehicle. Oh, I see. Wow. So it wasn't breaking and entering. It was just entering.

Yeah. Who was driving it before he teleported into it? Who knows? He just ended up there from his

teleportation. After that, the officers asked him to elaborate, and that's when Calvin made a reference to X-Men and told the officers, you saved me from the aliens. Oh. Now it makes sense, Jeff. Yes. Yeah, I didn't before. No more questions, you're free to go. They're Florida cops, so they're like, we completely understand. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I'm sure there's no drugs used here at all.

Turns out they didn't quite believe him.

Oh, wow.

So he was then taken to the hospital to be checked out, head first, of course.

Turns out Calvin's imagination may have been boosted by substances.

Oh.

...