The Telegraph.

Labour is the Pido Defender Party,

Kemi Badoeknox's brutal verdict at PMQ's

as Kirstama faces a crucial by-election.

And I have been to Gorton and Denton,

where I try to track down Zach Polanski,

but he wouldn't talk to me.

Welcome to The Daily Tea with me, Camilla Tomini.

And me, Tim Stanley.

Tim, you're fresh from Gorton and Denton and PMQs.

I'm fresh from the orthodontist, where my youngest had train tracks fitted on both the upper and lower tier.

I know. I had train tracks once when I had to do American telly, and I planned go to the orthodontists and I said to the woman, the head of talent there, a woman called Elaine, a wonderful lady who recruited me to do royal coverage in America. And I said to her, oh, you'll be pleased to know that I am going to get my teeth sorted out. She goes, yeah, you need to get that whole tat row sorted. I said, I'm talking about my bottom. So wait, you have British teeth and the Americans insisted upon you straightening them. Yeah, well, I didn't get the, I have had

braces, believe it or not, but like, you know, my teeth are quite, lefties like to describe me

as looking like a horse. This is the, I think is harsh... That's horrible. That's not true. But this is the difference between men and women on television. You have to consider teeth. For me, the debate is do I wear a tie or not? That's right. Although you would have loved the American approach because, like, the hairdressing in the morning is like nothing you've ever known in your life. And also, curiously, they call it a blowjob. So you're booked for your blowjob at 5am. I was like, goodness, is this in the contract? There are some MPs, and I'm tempted to name them, who will use going on Newsnight or Politics Live as a chance to have a makeover. Yes, to be fair. They're in there for about 30 minutes. Can I just say that one said female MP, Labour, won't name her. I think I know exactly who that is. Was there for at least an hour before I arrived. Just for a little touch-up. We're getting off subject here. Right, we're going to get onto you in Gorton and Denton chasing down Zach Polanski.

Not with much success, it must be conceded in just a minute.

But PMQ's, best line of PMQs, was it Kemi?

Was it Kemi saying this?

Mr Speaker, I'm amazed that while we're trying to talk about student loans, the Prime Minister has the cheek to talk about my party being smaller.

His party is smaller too,

including one MP who was arrested

for child sex offences.

So perhaps before he gets on his high horse,

...