Kristen Stewart, Jonathan Van Ness | Russian Toward War

The Late Show Pod Show with Stephen Colbert

CBS

News, Comedy, Comedy Interviews, News Commentary, Tv & Film

4.4 • 1.6K Ratings

🗓️ 25 January 2022

⏱️ 38 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Russia’s buildup of troops on the Ukraine border has NATO countries scrambling their fighter planes and President Biden considering the use of ground troops. Next up, Stephen answers kids' questions! If you have a kid who has a question for Stephen, post it to social media using the tag #ColbertKidQuestions and you may see your kid on a future episode of The Late Show! And Kristen Stewart returns to The Late Show for a two-part interview and talks to Stephen about what it was like to portray Princess Diana in her latest film, “Spencer.” On their new Netflix show, “Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness,” our good friend JVN gets to take an inquisitive look at topics as varied as insects, skyscrapers, figure skating, hair, gender identity and more. Listen as they tell Stephen about learning to garden during the pandemic, and the lengths they will go to in order to defend the veggies from predators. “Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness” premieres this Friday on Netflix, check it out! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Live on tape from the Ed Sullivan Theater in New York City, it's Stephen Colbert!
0:30.0	Thank you my dear friends. Thank you ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. Please have a seat, everybody.
0:44.4	Thanks so much. Welcome, welcome on and all to the late Joe, I'm your host, Stephen Colbert.
0:51.7	And everyone, I just want to start by saying everyone calm down.
0:58.4	There's no reason to panic. The impending disaster we all worried about this weekend has been resolved
1:04.4	because all monkeys have been accounted for after a truck with 100 monkeys crashed.
1:12.9	Thank the Lord. They got all 100 monkeys. Thanks presumably to 100 men and 100 yellow hats.
1:22.4	One imagines. We don't know. The details are sketchy. Here's what happens so far.
1:29.6	A pickup truck pulling a trailer transporting 100 monkeys to six flags. I don't know.
1:37.7	Got off IAD in Pennsylvania, then immediately trying to get back on, at which time it was hit on
1:42.2	the passenger side by a dump truck tearing off the front panel of the trailer and sending more
1:46.8	than a dozen crates tumbling out. So, so, flying monkeys do exist.
1:54.8	They're all fine. The monkeys in question.
1:59.8	Fly, fly, fly my please.
2:10.7	I auditioned, didn't get the part, I auditioned. The monkeys in question are
2:14.7	Sino-Molgas monkeys also known as the crab eating macaque. So, officers were able to track them down
2:20.9	by staking out participating red lobster locations. They love cheddar bay biscuits. They love them.
2:31.1	They're just riding, riding baby, riding. There is one smaller story out there from the smile file.
2:40.0	Russia continues to amass troops along the Ukraine border. So, President Biden is considering
2:46.1	deploying thousands of troops to Eastern Europe and the Baltics. That headline reads way too much
2:52.4	like a game of risk. Let's have some headlines that sound like we're playing a nicer board game,
2:57.2	like hippo hunger remains insatiable or New York City's biggest landlord, this thimble.
	...

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