meta_pixel
Tapesearch Logo
Log in
The Perfect 10 Podcast w/Lahna Turner

killing and dying with Tony Alfano

The Perfect 10 Podcast w/Lahna Turner

All Things Comedy

Comedy

4.4603 Ratings

🗓️ 4 January 2017

⏱️ 52 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Lahna talks with comedian Tony Alfano about his many brushes with death, killing, and being trapped under an 800lb man.  

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Hey guys, I'm Lana Turner. You're listening to The Perfect Ten Podcast. Thank you so much for joining us.

0:04.3

I'm in a different studio today. This is the studio where I recorded my album. And hopefully we'll

0:10.7

be back in the All Things Comedy Studio soon, but it might sound a little different than we do normally.

0:17.0

But I've got like awesome people with me. Norm who recorded Limeade is here, but not saying much. But also I've got like awesome people with me. Norm who recorded, Limeade is here, but not saying much. But also I've got Tony Alfano, a comedian who I just recently met. And you had so many great stories. Okay, just say hi. Hi. Hi. How are we doing? Because I'm going to talk over me for a second. Because like when I meet somebody and they're like, start telling me a story, I'm like, wait, you want to come do the podcast? And you're like, what? And then I'm like, talk over me for a second because like when I meet somebody and they're like start telling me a story like wait you want to come do the podcast and you're like what and then I'm like don't tell me anymore because this is like the coolest craziest fucking stuff of all time I want to share it with my audience that's how I felt when I met you yeah that's awesome because I always love when people ask me to do stuff like that because it's like a cool opportunity to tell a story when someone hasn't heard it. and it's just awesome because like even when I tell it for the second time or like the third time I always relive things and like oh man you like learn new lessons kind of well your story like your life I mean I imagine just from the little bit I know of you like I could just keep talking with you for hours because I I mean, we even just started a minute ago.

1:08.9

I'm like, wait, that's a very Italian name, Tony Alfano. And then you're like, well, half. And then I'm like, and then you started into a story. I'm like, okay, what's the deal? What's going on? Yeah, I'm half Italian. Unfortunately, my dad fell in love with a white woman, which I don't know why, man. I just, he could have just met a nice Italian princess.

1:44.2

You want to be all. Do you want to be all Italian? I did. Because like my whole dad's side of the family. Like my grandma was like from Italy. They moved to New York and then relocated to California. So they had like these deep roots that I never got to experience or be a part of. Really? You were like the like the off shoot.

1:45.5

Like they didn't accept you into. No, they did.

1:46.4

But there was a lot of my dad's family from back east that I never got to meet and stuff. Because why? Because you're half not a. No, not just because of that. Just because of relocation. And then like, unfortunately some of my dad's family passed away before I was born and stuff like that. But you don't feel as connected.

1:41.6

Yeah, exactly.

1:42.2

I got to know my grandma, which was cool.

1:44.0

But just seeing that side of the family, and I met and I've dated people that were like, born and stuff like that. But you don't feel as connected? Yeah, exactly. I got to know my grandma, which was cool.

2:01.6

But just seeing that side of the family and I met and I've dated people that were like full Italian families. But what's wrong with your white side? Like what was that? Was that? It's like white trash side. It's like that white trash, white trash side. Oh, like when you say white trash. Like my mom, my mom was adopted.

1:59.0

Her and her two siblings were adopted by somebody.

2:02.0

And then we just found out like five when you say white chat like my mom my mom was adopted uh her and her two siblings were adopted by um somebody

2:19.4

and then we just found out like five years ago my mom found her birth mother and went to go meet them

2:24.7

and came back so disappointed because she was like uh they live in reno nevada on like a farm and they're

2:30.3

very white trash oh because i guess as a look i guess maybe when you're a young child and you know you've been adopted and you build up the fantasy of what your mom was like. And it's like every Disney princess that like or every story. You're like, my mom was Princess Diana. Yeah, exactly. I had this secret life that I was supposed to be something great. And then you just find out that you saved yourself from shoveling shit for 10 years.

2:53.1

This is my genetic line.

2:55.4

Like this is where I came from.

2:56.8

Yeah.

2:57.1

She showed me a picture of some guy that's like my, I guess her brother.

2:59.9

So my uncle or half uncle, however you do that.

...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from All Things Comedy, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of All Things Comedy and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.

Copyright © Tapesearch 2026.