Keshet Starr: Domestic Abuse in the Frum World and the Red Flags We All Miss
Meaningful People
Meaningful Minute
4.8 • 2K Ratings
🗓️ 30 May 2026
⏱️ 71 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In this week's episode of the Meaningful People Podcast, Keshet Starr, CEO of Shalom Task Force and a leading advocate in the fight against domestic abuse in the Jewish community, joins Nachi Gordon for a powerful and eye-opening conversation about one of the most difficult issues facing the Jewish world today. Keshet shares what domestic abuse actually looks like behind closed doors, why it is often missed by friends and family, and how emotional, financial, spiritual, technological, and physical abuse can manifest in relationships. She also discusses the realities of working with survivors, the warning signs people should recognize, and why abuse is far more prevalent than many realize.
The conversation explores why victims often struggle to leave abusive relationships, the unique challenges that exist within Orthodox Jewish communities, and the role that stigma and silence continue to play. Keshet also offers practical guidance for those dating, newly married, or concerned about someone they love, sharing red flags to watch for and the importance of healthy communication, boundaries, and conflict resolution. This is an important discussion about awareness, prevention, and ensuring that those who need help know they are not alone.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Domestic abuse in the firm world. What does this look like in our circles, in our communities? |
| 0:04.0 | It's happening a lot more than we realize. We know from general statistics that it's about one in four women, one in seven men. |
| 0:11.0 | Spiritual abuse. |
| 0:12.0 | Yes. |
| 0:13.0 | This is something that I think that most people don't know much about. |
| 0:16.0 | Spiritual abuse is basically when you take religion, Hashgafatihura, and you turn it into a form of abuse. |
| 0:22.4 | A great example is get refusal. |
| 0:24.7 | Agu Noot are almost always survivors of domestic abuse. |
| 0:28.7 | What happens when you leave an abuser is that they've lost control and they want to get it back. |
| 0:34.8 | And when an abuser takes the get and makes it into a weapon |
| 0:38.7 | and a way to control the other person, that's a form of spiritual abuse. I had a case once where |
| 0:43.2 | the abuse was happening on Shabbas. She realized after a while that the reason was because |
| 0:48.8 | on Shabbas, because she didn't want to use her phone, she would often let it escalate quite a bit. |
| 0:53.8 | I worked with someone years ago. I saw a picture of her bruising and her bruising ended exactly at the elbow. |
| 1:00.0 | So you wouldn't see it at all when she went out. |
| 1:03.0 | Unbelievable. What are some of the main female-to-male abuse cases that you find? |
| 1:07.0 | I think you do see less physical violence, physical threats in female to male cases, |
| 1:12.4 | but we can all emotionally manipulate. I think we're still learning so much about the experience of |
| 1:17.8 | male victims because it really is hard to get held. Young people who are in Shredoachim getting |
| 1:22.5 | married. Unfortunately, statistics show that they might find themselves in a relationship like this. |
| 1:26.5 | How do you make sure you don't end up in an abusive relationship? Hello, everybody. Welcome back to another |
| 1:32.9 | episode of the meaningful podcast. This one is sponsored by our friends at PZ deals. Never |
... |
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