We're joined now by Mylan and Kay Yerkovich.

Mylan is an ordained minister and a counselor, and Kay is a licensed marriage and family therapist.

Together, they wrote the acclaimed book, How We Love.

Thank you guys so much for joining me today on Takeaways.

Well, it's great to be with you. Thank you.

So I'm fascinated by the book that you've written and really what

you're focusing on. And many people have heard about the five love languages and people have

seen the Myers-Briggs personality analysis and enneagrams and things like that. But what you talk

about is something that's really well researched and you talk about early family experiences

and you've given it a name or it is known by attachment theory. Tell us what that is.

Go ahead. All right. Attachment theory is about 70 years of research on what happens when mom and babies connect

and go throughout the lifespan. And if you have a lot of memories of comfort and you have a

lot of memories where a parent was able to show feelings and entertain your feelings,

then you're going to have what we would call a secure attachment.

But for many of us, we don't have any perfect parents because it's not a perfect world.

And so attachment theory is just the study of how people connect and how they manage stress and how that impacts them through a lifespan.

And when they're stressed, Kirk, do they go to people for comfort or do they go to non-relational

means to provide comfort for themselves?

That's right.

Coping mechanisms and that could be drugs and alcoholers.

As well as all the addictions, Kirk, you know, that people turn to to make the difficult feelings go away. How do you manage difficult emotions is a lot of what they're looking at? And that's what your book is based on. And I'm highly interested in this because my wife and I have a lot at stake. We've got a lot of skin in the game. We've got six kids. We've got 30 years under our belt. I want to cross the finish line strong like you are. You've been married now for how many years? 49. 49 years. That's fantastic. Hey, that means it's working. It is. Keep what you're doing. Now, tell us why you chose attachment theory

as the basis for the book that you wrote. We were struggling ourselves and at the 15-year mark

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