It's the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm bailiff Jesse Thorn. This week, Justice is out there.

Chris brings the case against his wife, Randy. They recently received a set of X-Files action figures.

Chris, the complainant says that they should be kept in their cases and displayed as such. His wife, Randy,

says that rather than displaying them in their packaging, they should be taken out so that they can be played with.

Only one spouse is right and only one man can decide which spouse that is.

Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters the courtroom.

Because I'm Judgey, I'm Judgey like a Sunday morning. It's Monday morning, isn't it? What is it?

I don't know what day it is. Is it a Tuesday?

Because I'm Judgey. Guys, come on. Where does I need the backup?

I'm going to do it again this time. Don't let me down.

Because I'm Judgey. Judgey like a Sunday morning. That's good. You may be seated.

Just so people understand, I'm in California today with Jesse Thorn.

Yeah, we're in Max Fund World Headquarters, the studio court here.

And we had a little trouble with the Skype machine. We got him on the telephone.

Because you know what? California has laid back. Yeah, we're relaxed.

Right. This is going to be a very mellow Judge John Hodgman because I'm in California. I'm all laid back.

You don't want to go out to the Tiki Bar? Instead of recording? Go out to the Tiki Bar and make some hashish.

Please raise your right hand. You know what? Don't even.

Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God or whatever?

Why are you bringing so much hassle down on these people, Jesse?

Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling despite the fact that he refuses to buy toys for his own children, no matter how desperately they beg?

I do. Very well, Judge Hodgman.

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