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Just quit it.

Well, I'm going to die because my doctor just told me to give up bacon.

"'He made me hold up my right hand and swear it, but you should know up front,

"'and I can't keep those kinds of promises. I'm not built for it.

"'The first dietary resolution I ever made was at age 12, and it happened one day at the public pool.

I removed my shirt, and I heard giggling, and it was thereupon. Pauline Meadows said I

resembled a tube of biscuit dough that had been smacked firmly against the counter.

My peers thought that was hysterical. Well, in an effort to slim up, I resolved to quit

drinking co- Coke cola until Jesus

came back, but unfortunately, he took too long. Over the years, I've quit drinking Coke several

times. I've sipped diets, soda, and its place, but the stuff makes me gag. I've tasted commercial

toilet cleansers with more personality.

Giving up Coke is almost as difficult as giving up coffee. Have you ever tried to kick that habit?

My first morning without coffee, I peaked into the mirror and saw the face of an anemic Mick Jagger looking back at me. To be fair, things did get better, because as it turns out,

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