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The Rich Roll Podcast

Julie Lythcott-Haims On How To Be An Adult

The Rich Roll Podcast

Rich Roll

Education, Society & Culture, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness

4.7 • 13.3K Ratings

🗓️ 18 October 2021

⏱️ 140 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

I love my parents. I grew up with a world-class education. And yet, nobody actually ever taught me how to be an adult. As a result, I made a ton of avoidable mistakes. I suffered far more than necessary. And I fumbled in the dark for years until eventually, I figured a few things out. Unfortunately, my experience is all too common. Today’s guest—a woman who spent years mentoring and advising some of the brightest young people in the entire world—would agree, so she decided to do something about it. Julie Lythcott-Haims is the former dean of freshmen and undergraduate advising at Stanford University, where she earned her B.A. (as my classmate) before obtaining a law degree from Harvard and a master’s in fine arts and writing from California College of the Arts. Today Julie is an author and authority on what we now call—in Millenial parlance—adulting. Her TED Talk 'How to raise successful kids without over-parenting' has over 5 million views, and her books include the New York Times bestseller, How To Raise An Adult and Real American—a memoir centered on coming to terms with her racial identity. Julie’s latest work and the focus of today’s conversation is Your Turn: How To Be An Adult. For those just emerging into the grown-up world, it’s a must-read life handbook. For parents, it’s a must-gift for your young ones entering their adult phase of life. All in all, it’s a guide I very much wish existed during my formative years. This conversation is packed with practical insights for both parents and young people alike. We cover the downfalls of being a helicopter parent, the importance of learning conversation skills, and why paying attention to what you like and don’t like is more important than finding a purpose. But more than anything, this conversation is about why diversity and inclusivity are vital in parenting, educating, and adulting. To read more click here. You can also watch listen to our exchange on YouTube. And as always, the podcast streams wild and free on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. This is appointment listening for young people emerging into the world or parents striving to best guide their kids into maturity. But no matter your age, we can all use some wisdom about how to grow up a little bit more. Peace + Plants, Rich

Transcript

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0:00.0

We treat our kids like they're our bonsai trees.

0:05.0

You know, the bonsai is such an exquisite creation of the gardener.

0:10.0

The gardener decides the direction in which that tree will grow,

0:13.0

which branches will be clipped, and which will flourish and the shape of it,

0:17.0

and it's a lovely creation, but at the end of the day,

0:21.0

it is a possession of the gardener.

0:24.0

It's something to be ood and odd over, and people can come to a gardener

0:27.0

and say, look what you've done, aren't you amazing?

0:29.0

We now treat our kids like they're our bonsai trees.

0:32.0

We need them to be glorious, so that we can feel better about ourselves.

0:37.0

How many of us are devoting countless hours to chauffeuring,

0:42.0

concierging, helping with the homework, over helping outright doing the homework,

0:46.0

planning and fixing and managing our kids' lives,

0:49.0

and we have a primary partner over there in the wings,

0:52.0

and our relationship with that person is dwindling and diminishing and suffering,

0:57.0

because we're not watering that plant.

0:59.0

We're not giving that relationship attention.

1:01.0

The very relationship that might have created these children, you know,

1:04.0

languishes because we are investing everything in the project

1:09.0

that is making these children excellent, so that we can feel

1:13.0

that we have, you know, the right sort of accolades to boast about at a cocktail party.

1:19.0

So those were some of the changes I noticed,

...

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