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Lemonada

Every actor who's been around for a minute has an audition story, and here is mine. You may have

heard part of this story before, but I want you to hear the whole thing. This was a really

long time ago, like between S&L and Seinfeld, and I was living in New York, and I got an audition

for the movie about last night.

This was a movie with a lot of heat on it.

It was being directed by Ed Zwick, and it was based on a play by David Mamet, the preeminent American playwright of the day.

And it had been adapted by my close Chicago pal Tim Kazerinsky.

And the role that I was auditioning for was Joan, the cynical friend, which is, you know, come on, let's face it, that's like right in my wheelhouse.

So, okay, I go to this hotel for the audition, and I'm in the hallway waiting for my turn to go in. And from inside the

room, I hear this big laugh and out comes Demi Moore, who was like peak brat pack at that

moment. And she did this adorable little twirl, and everybody was waving goodbye to her, and they were craning their necks

to see her go. She was so beautiful. And that's when the casting assistant says, Julie Louie

Loo-Jyreifis. And I'm like, oh, fuck, I have to follow that. I mean, even though I wasn't

reading for the same part as Demi Moore, I mean, her just her

confidence and the fact that she had obviously killed in the room, it was just also very

intimidating.

I remember exactly nothing about the audition, and that gives you an idea of the trauma

that I experienced for the next three minutes or so.

It was terrible. And it should have been great. I mean, I was right for the part. I was prepared

...