Joseph Burgo: ...that we can choose whether to let shame destroy us or teach us

Nobody Told Me!

Business, Entrepreneurship

4.2 • 671 Ratings

🗓️ 30 January 2021

⏱️ 31 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Have you ever felt shame? Our guest on this episode, psychotherapist and media commentator Joseph Burgo, says shame is a family of emotions ranging from mild embarrassment to deep humiliation, and most of us experience varying degrees of shame every day. He teaches us how to recognize shame, control it, and use it to our advantage. He's the author of a new book called 'Shame: Free Yourself, Find Joy, and Build True Self-Esteem' and is a regular blogger for Psychology Today.

Note: this episode previously aired in May 2019 and is part of our 'Best Of' series.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to Nobody Told Me. I'm Laura Owens. And I'm Jan Black. Have you ever felt shame?
0:18.0	Our guest on this episode, psychotherapist Joseph Burgo, says shame is a family of
0:23.5	emotions ranging from mild embarrassment to deep humiliation and most of us experience varying degrees
0:29.9	of shame every day. So how do we recognize shame? Control it and use it to our advantage. Joseph
0:36.4	is here to help us explore those questions. He's the
0:39.0	author of a new book called Shame, Free Yourself, Find Joy, and Build True Self-Esteem.
0:46.0	Joseph, thank you so much for joining us. Oh, it's a pleasure. Thanks for inviting me.
0:50.2	Why did you decide to write a book focusing on shame? Well, it has become increasingly the focus of my practice over the last 10 years,
1:00.5	and that is because it's increasingly become the focus of my own life,
1:05.8	coming to terms with my own denial, I guess, the denial of my shame,
1:09.9	that I had to come to terms with, you know,
1:12.1	at the end of my marriage and a big change in my life. And so I don't know, it just informs the work
1:18.8	I do. It informs the way I think about myself. I think shame is everything. How long did it take
1:23.9	for you to come to terms with what you were feeling at the end of your marriage?
1:28.3	And how quickly were you able to identify that those feelings were shame?
1:33.1	Well, it took a long time. The whole thing was that my marriage and the life I was leading,
1:40.6	you know, successful, two-income couple on the west side of LA, you know, lawyer,
1:45.9	psychoanalyst.
1:46.9	We looked really good.
1:48.2	We had three kids.
1:49.5	That was my defense.
1:50.9	That whole life was my effort to make everything look really good.
	...

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