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It's the late show's hot show with Stephen Colberg.

Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen, my next guest tonight is a stand-up comedian,

writer and actor he wrote in stars in the new film Fire Island.

Baby, you don't need a boyfriend. You just need to learn how to protect yourself a little bit more,

because all this romance bull is making you way too vulnerable. You're like an open wound.

Yeah, but I want the romance bull. I like the rom-com stuff, like kissing in the rain and

standing outside my window with a boom box or confessing things in a gazebo, but it's wrong with it.

Nothing's wrong with that. It's just like that. It doesn't happen to realize.

The only real thing is you and me.

Fine, if you're so invested in this, I will try and get laid.

Please welcome to the late show Joel Campbellster.

This is crazy. I used to get grounded for watching your show.

So, this is very surreal. It's too scandalous or something too late.

...