Hello and welcome to citation needed the podcast where we choose a subject, read a single article about on Wikipedia and pretend we're experts because this is the internet and that's how it works now.

I'm no illusions and I'm going to be baffling your eyes and dazzling your brains with the ancient arts of podcasting.

But to keep you distracted, while I bend the spoons, I'm going to need some lovely assistants, Tom, Cecil, and Eli. Yeah, I don't care if the spoon is bent as long as I still get the ice cream. There you go. The gravity of my body actually bends the spoons when I hang them on my chest. Oh, interesting. There you go. And before we get going, I want to thank our listeners for the most important thing they offer us. A shred of validation when we tell our wives and kids that some people find our stories very interesting, actually. Also giving us money is nice. If you'd like to learn how to do that last bit, be sure to stick around to the end of the show. And with that out of the way, tell us Cecil, what person plays, thing, concept phenomenon or event are we going to be talking about today? A guy named Jasper. Maskely. Maskely. That's right. Oh my God. Is it masculine? Okay, Jasper Maskeland. Maskely. There you go. Maskely? Maskely, that's really. Oh my God. Is it masculine?

Okay, Jasper Maskelyne.

But it's spelled very, very weird.

Yep, yep.

So, Eli, you read the article about this guy.

Are you ready to, are you ready to assert?

Indeed I am, Noah.

Indeed I am.

So tell us, Eli.

Who was Jasper Maskely? As Tom conducts the final stages of

his experiment about whether one can get paid for a podcast they never appear on, we've had,

as a special guest, skeptical activist Michael Marshall. And at least so far, Marsh's essays have

followed a bit of a pattern. He introduces a heartwarming,

inspiring, or otherwise intriguing tale, only to shit all over it with facts and truth.

Yeah. Well, today, my friends, we are in no such danger. Today, we're going to learn the

incredibly true story of Jasper Maskely, the magician

who defeated Hitler. Incredibly true. I just want to say, as one fifth of the cast, I think I am

entitled to skip one third of the episodes. As long as you guys pick up my slack, I don't see

the problem. It's fine. I don't know if anybody's keeping score at home, but Tom, you write like 11 essays for

everyone at Eli's.

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