Oh dear. She's like a, she's like a little elf, isn't she? A little Christmas elf scampering you. Your hat's lighting up.

Trish. Do you like Christmas? I do like Christmas. I really like my Christmas hat, which is a kind of Christmas tree with little ball balls and lights on.

Don't go outside with that one. I don't think I might call it an accident.

It's totally scary. Do you like my Christmas jumper? I like your jumper. Your jumper and hat combo. I'm feeling it's a little bit the Grinch. If you put some green, he'd make up on it.

I can be an elf and you can be the Grinch. I've got my jumper on eBay for £30. It's a second hand Icelandic Fisherman's jumper. Oh goodness. I like to think of a small Icelandic fisherman in it.

I don't do snowy things. Does it smell of mackerel? No. Could it solve the Brexit deadlock on the fishing treaties?

Don't talk about Brexit at Christmas.

Hello. Welcome to this special episode of postcards from Midlife in which Trish and I will be departing from our usual format.

Risky, I know. We're going to go a bit Alan Partridge, I think, here. And we're going to be sharing our ingredients for the perfect Christmas

Podding to see what I did there, Trish. Oh, I did. Podding. Podding. Podding. It's so calm and pleasant.

More common-wise. Here we go. Here we go.

Well, we've wrapped up quite a few Christmases between us, aren't we? I estimated we've got over a hundred cringos between us, Lorraine. That's quite a scary thought.

What? Does it? It makes me a hundred years old. No, between us. 50 odd each. All right.

To see. Do the maths. Do the maths. But anyway, it's a lot of presents. It's a lot of preparing and it's a lot of all sorts of things.

We thought we would reminisce on some of our favourite Christmases as well as how we're preparing for this year's

what we're looking forward to. And the stuff that can drive us a bit nuts about the Halsha Bang.

So how your preparation is going, Lorraine? It's only five days to go. Is everything on track?

Well, my husband likes to start Christmasing about October, so we have a good old run at it.

But I've got a new alter ego this year because normally I have Gloria, who's sort of a cross between Margo

from the Good Life and Alexis Colby. She just sort of floats around half-arcing Christmas.

Right. This year has had a little bit more time. I've got Maria, my other alter ego, who is a kind of

cross between Martha Stewart and Kirsty Olssob. Oh, God! I made a read. You're making things, aren't you?

...