Hi, my name is John Kim. I'm a therapist who went through his own rebirth many years ago

and I've been documenting my journey ever since sharing my life lessons and revelations.

I believe in casual or clinical with you instead of at you. I come unrehearsed on purpose

because self-health doesn't have to be so complicated.

You know in the book we talk about how happily ever after is bullshit and what we mean by that is I think as we grow up

We are programmed to believe that once we find someone

Then life is good. You know then we've reached the island and then it's happily ever after and so starting with you know the Disney movies as a kid, there's that programming.

And so we're positioned to take our crossbow that's attached to our heart and just pointed and try to find the

bullseye and if we don't find the one then it means that we're we're less

than or there's something wrong with us and so we go through this world especially

as we get older because then you know enter the ticking clock where we're desperately trying to find

the one and so we can be happy or you know headed to happily

ever after and I think it's dangerous I know for me that has a it has gotten me to make decisions that you know maybe weren't

honest to me yeah and I think this is actually a really good segue in to talk about

you know John and I in our in the book we talk about in this chapter we talk about what the idea of the one

How that shows up differently for us right like what John's definition what that looked like for him and then what it looked like for me so for you

John it led to ambivalence right you want to talk a little bit about that yeah it led to

ambivalence because when when you say happily ever after and the one it means you're going to be with one person so when you say yes or you commit that's it you're locked in and I get there's something romantic about you know the one person forever and this is for people that are you know practicing

monogamy but uh but then you if you do that then you're taking a black light to someone. So when

Vressa and I met, my whole thing is, okay, is she the one and if she is I'm done so let's make sure

everything lines up this has to be perfect or I don't want it and that's why I was

in and out and in and out and which isn't realistic you know because no one's

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