Hi guys, welcome back to It's Mutants Live. Well, we're not totally live today because I'm recording this in advance since I'm going to be home and London this week.

But I always really like these episodes because they give me a chance to catch up on what you guys are doing. It's like it's like AMA, the Instagram version on crack because I get to read all these amazing emails and they're not confined to a DM box.

I get all the details, sometimes a hilarious amount of detail, but it's really fun to hear your voices on the voicemail. So thank you to everybody who writes in and leaves voice fails because it's cool to connect that way. So let's go to a voicemail.

Hi, I'm Tins, this is Caitlin from Los Angeles. I'm looking for some advice on whether or not I should follow up with a guy that I just done.

We were dating for a couple months. We really, really liked each other, but I was looking ahead logistically and it just did not make sense to pursue a relationship with him.

We come from like completely different religious backgrounds, that's something we're really, that's something that's important to us.

And we're just in two different places in our lives. When I broke up with him, it was like just a few minute conversation a few weeks ago and it's been hanging over my head so heavily.

I feel like I need it. I owe him more of an explanation. He hasn't reached out, but should I reach back out to him and get more off my chest?

Let me know. I love you.

So my take is actually no, you shouldn't. I think it's honestly sounds like it honestly sounds like you need more closure than him to me to be completely frank, because if he hasn't reached out, then he's probably just really but heard and sad and trying to move forward.

And if you guys have been listening to me for a while, I always say I think closure is something that kind of made up. Like I think we give it to ourselves. I don't let me get it from other people.

And so I would say that to him too, although it sounds like he's creating his own closure now.

I think you know, if he hasn't reached out, then just leave it be. And for you, you know, you made the choice. It's always harder to break up with someone than to be broken up with. I stand by that. So I think you've just got to, you know, unless you're having regrets, which it doesn't sound like you are, I think you just need to stand firm in your choice and your decision and look forward.

And that's with everything in life, right? You just got to keep your eyes forward and and and keep moving on. And listen, if he needs something, he will reach out and then you sound very kind and more than willing to, you know, have another conversation.

Should he need that? But for now, I think it's like, keep it moving forward. And don't second guess yourself Tony soprano.

The character has a mantra that I like and that I stole that I use all the time. It's, it's not about making the right decision. It's about making the decision right. And basically what I mean what I take that to mean is like, you know, stand firm in your decision and you can make it right. So

that's what that would be, that would be my take is leave it be for now. I firmly believe that closure is one of the biggest lies that we tell ourselves and people use it as an excuse to like prolong breakups and with a breakup.

Obviously, you need to have the conversation and, you know, get it all out there. But once it's out, you have to draw a line in the sand and move on. And I get DMs all the time being like, but I need one more talk for closure for this for that.

And if you give yourself the closure, you empower yourself, you, if you, when you're saying, oh, I need to go over that or get closure, you're giving the other person the power to make you feel better or worse and it always makes you feel worse by the way those closure talks because they never say the thing that you want them to say and if they do say it's annoying.

And if you say you're too good for me, I'm not ready for this ball, while that's equally infuriating. So I think closure is over hyped, not that useful. Okay, let's go to another voicemail.

Hi, my name is Kelly. I'm from Boston. This is for tink. I have a question about what to do with a guy friend that you had feelings for at some point. And I think they had to think sort of had feelings for you at some point. Like you know that you've kissed a few times, but then like never did anything about it.

And then it's almost like confusing because you weren't friends for a long time, but now your friends again and you're kind of treading lightly and you're not really sure where you stand. And I don't really want to bring it up. Maybe that's my answer, but I just wanted to know your thoughts on it.

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