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Simon Mayo's Confessions

It ain’t easy being green & other tales

Simon Mayo's Confessions

Bauer Media

Comedy

51.2K Ratings

🗓️ 31 January 2025

⏱️ 40 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

From dodgy baking to disastrous DIY wine, this week's confessions serve up another round of mischief, mishaps, and morally questionable decisions.

 Loves Hot Fevered Iron shares a confession from a real reverend who politely accepted a weekly homemade cake from a well-meaning parishioner only to secretly bin them every time. Then there's Dave from Grimsby with a Horse with No Name, who sent his dad to the farm shop on a mission for his sister's horse, Hoof Hearted a name that's far more embarrassing when said out loud. Meanwhile, Professor Perilous finally comes clean about a shocking day in his teaching career with Sonic Boom Boy, when a student in his DT class sanded off the top of her finger. And in the truly stomach-churning It Ain't Easy Being Green, Tom recalls his time at an eco-commune, where homemade wine and a compost toilet got horribly, horrifyingly mixed up.

 In the Not for Broadcast section, the team tackles revenge with a toothbrush, the sheer indignity of being sick into a coat pocket. There's also a heated discussion about punctuation, the mystery of 'market leaves' and a reprise of the Ukrainian drunk geese, which leaves Matt thoroughly baffled.

Brace yourself for an episode packed with laughter, gasps and moments you wont forget.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Step into our confessional.

0:02.8

Confess all.

0:03.9

We won't tell anyone.

0:05.5

Just the entire nation.

0:07.5

From Greatest Hits Radio, Simon Mayo's Confessions.

0:11.8

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

0:12.8

Hello, welcome to yet another wonderfully tote curling edition of the Confessions podcast,

0:18.3

brought to you by your friends at Greatest Hits Radio.

0:20.7

This is the place where mischief meets mayhem and poor life choices are paraded before you for your judgment.

0:28.6

Sister Susie is in the pub.

0:30.5

I am indeed.

0:31.2

Oh no, she's not.

0:32.0

She's actually in the studio with us.

0:33.9

What's going on?

0:35.1

Amazing.

0:36.3

Very good.

0:37.0

Brother Matthew is speaking on behalf of the gutter.

0:40.6

Correct. Yes. Here I am. And young sister Holly is there in charge of the tat.

0:46.6

I am indeed, yes. And speaking through infection and illness. Yes. It's a slight rasp, but we're there. Yes, but you can make a fortune on

0:56.9

voiceovers. That's the truth of it. We're going to be catching up with your correspondence on the

1:00.7

parish notice board, including reviews, correspondence included in the Not for broadcast Mark Knopfler

1:05.2

section. And of course, you'll hear this week's crop of confessions from the drive time show

...

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