Is It True? If I Don’t Punish, I’m Permissive (with Myleik Teele)

Good Inside with Dr. Becky

Dr. Becky

Self-improvement, Kids & Family, Relationships, Parenting, Society & Culture, Education

4.8 • 4.6K Ratings

🗓️ 24 March 2026

⏱️ 38 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Your kid is melting down in public… and you feel it: “If I don’t shut this down, I'm a pushover. My kid will walk all over me." In this first episode of our new Is It True? series, Dr. Becky and Myleik Teele take a closer look at a belief so many parents carry, though rarely question: If I don’t punish, I'm being permissive. Together, they unpack what’s underneath that fear, why punishment can feel so satisfying (and why it often doesn’t work), and what it actually looks like to hold boundaries without being harsh or permissive. They also explore how this question lands differently for Black parents, where the stakes of “not listening” can feel much higher. This is the first in a recurring format we’ll revisit, slowing down common parenting beliefs and expanding them into something sturdier, more usable, and more true.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Okay, your kid is screaming in the middle of the grocery store.
0:03.5	Nope, your kid is rolling around in the middle of a restaurant.
0:06.2	Actually, no, sorry.
0:07.4	Your kid is jumping in mud in their dress clothes after you said,
0:11.5	please don't jump in the mud in your dress clothes.
0:15.9	Whatever it is, no matter where you are.
0:19.6	There is always one person who walks by a situation like this and gives you the look.
0:25.2	And you know the look, because the look has a voice, even if you don't hear anything.
0:33.0	And the voice says, you're going to let them get away with that.
0:37.1	And the voice then says to you, if I don't
0:40.0	handle this firmly and harshly, I'm going to look permissive. I'm going to look like I let my
0:45.9	kid walk all over me. I'm going to look like I am reinforcing bad behavior. I'm permissive. I'm
0:51.9	a pushover. Now, I'm just going to put it on the table.
0:56.9	I've had that thought myself many times. So if this sounds familiar to you, I don't have a
1:02.2	camera into your brain. I just can hear my own brain. But here's the thing. Is punishment
1:08.2	actually the opposite of permissiveness?
1:12.8	Hmm.
1:14.1	Today we're going to try something now.
1:15.8	My friend, one of my favorite people to talk with about anything,
1:19.5	My Lake Teal is back with me and we're going to start myth busting,
1:23.6	some of the stickiest parenting beliefs out there.
1:26.3	And this one thought that if I don't punish, um, permissive, is something that I think a lot of us just hold as truth. It's kind of nonfiction.
	...

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