Is It Too Late? How to Repair a Broken Relationship With Your Friend or Family Member

The Mel Robbins Podcast

SiriusXM Podcasts

Education, Mental Health, Relationships, Self-improvement, Society & Culture, Health & Fitness

4.8 • 10.6K Ratings

🗓️ 13 July 2023

⏱️ 62 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode, you’re going to learn that it is never too late to try to repair a broken or difficult relationship. Research shows that estrangement is not only on the rise but that the majority of us have at least one extended family member or friend who is estranged. I know this is true in my own extended family, and I also have friends who are estranged from their parents. Whether you’re the person who’s cut off contact or you're the one wondering why someone you love did, our episode today will give you the language, tools, and context to start moving toward understanding and healing. Dr. Joshua Coleman is a psychologist and best-selling author who works with families to repair broken bonds and help them reconcile and improve difficult or estranged relationships. In fact, according to Dr. Coleman, the strategies he shares work, and the statistics are in your favor. I hope you share this with anyone you know dealing with a difficult relationship. It is very common, especially after a divorce and when there is a new spouse or significant other. When someone you love suddenly pulls away or cuts you out of their life, you need a playbook to help you know when to reach out and when not to reach out, and what exactly to say and not say. Today you’ll learn: Why estrangement is on the rise. What some therapists do wrong that can make things worse. What to do if you’re the sibling caught in the middle. How to take responsibility, even if you don’t think you should. Early mistakes we make that can lead to estrangement. Early steps we can take to avoid estrangement. How long it takes to reconcile and where to even begin. The pain of separation is real, but it doesn’t have to be forever. Xo, Mel In this episode, you’ll learn: 01:04: The silent epidemic that’s happening right now is estrangement. 02:10: What is estrangement? 04:42: How "cancel culture" is impacting relationships 09:07: The horrible advice for estrangement Dr. Coleman got in therapy. 12:24: What moving towards a child's trauma looks like 14:07: How do you know if someone has deliberately cut you out of their life? 16:32: The most common complaint adult children have for their parents 19:56: One of the most common pathways to estrangement 22:04: The most common mistakes estranged parents make 24:32: Why you cannot take things personally 26:35: Why radical acceptance is a required step in reconnecting 29:50: Let’s unpack why guilt doesn’t work. 35:20: What to do when reconciliation isn’t desired by the other person 36:32: What are the steps towards reconciliation? 39:07: Why Dr. Coleman says that parents have a moral obligation to take the high road 42:10: The silent treatment is wrong. Here’s why 47:15: When you should stop reaching out for reconciliation 49:30: What is an amends letter, and how should you write it? 56:18: How do you engage with someone who doesn’t want to engage with you? Disclaimer

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast.
0:08.2	Today you and I are going to have a very enlightening conversation about a topic that most
0:12.3	people don't want to talk about. The topic is a strange man and don't you dare turn this podcast
0:16.9	off. A strange man is something that we got to talk about because researchers say it's a silent
0:22.1	epidemic. 50% of us will experience a strange man in our families in our lifetime and just over
0:29.2	the past couple weeks, two fans of the Mel Robbins podcast have stopped me out and about in real life.
0:34.4	And when I asked them, well, what would you want me to do a podcast episode about? Both of them
0:38.7	said, could you please do something about a strange man? And there was such a look of pain in
0:45.1	their eyes. One woman hadn't talked to her sister in five years and the other listener was a man
0:50.7	who was heartbroken over the fact that he and his wife hadn't spoken to their daughter in seven
0:54.6	years due to their daughter's mental illness. This is so much more common than you think. When I
0:59.2	stopped to think about it, I realized, holy cow, this is present my own life. In my extended family,
1:03.8	it's present. And I even had an experience where my two closest friends, one of them stopped talking
1:08.8	to the other one for three years. And I didn't have a clue what to do about it. And so I'm listening
1:14.2	and I want to dig into this topic with you and learn from the world's leading expert on a
1:18.0	strange man. So we can avoid it. And so we can reconcile if it is happening in your life. He is
1:23.4	here. His name is Dr. Joshua Coleman. He's a practicing psychologist in San Francisco. He's
1:28.4	written four books. His research on adult astrangement has also been published in academic journals.
1:34.0	He's here to help you understand this topic why it happens, why it's on the rise. And more importantly,
1:39.2	we're going to talk reconciliation. Consider this conversation today, an invaluable toolkit for you
1:44.8	to use for you to share, to help you understand astrangement and to help you God forbid it happens to you
1:51.2	and power you to reconcile. All right, Dr. Joshua Coleman, welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast.
	...

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