Good morning everyone. I'm Lexi, I'm Lexi, the host of the at Lexi podcast and thank you for tuning into today's episode. The last two weeks have been

hard, I've been grieving on a deeper level. Again after I guess weeks of distraction I think seeing my family triggered a lot of

memories of my mom and I was able to really miss her and it wasn't easy to push out the ideas because when you're

spending time with your family and your mom is always there I was able to

pick up like oh when on page said that like my mom would snicker or like oh when someone said that my mom would give Morgan and I a look or you know I can just picture the things that my mom would want to participate in and you know when

she would be sitting at the beach and when she would want to be helping cook and I could

see her presence and see her presence lacking so vividly and spiraled. I mean so much so that I even

titled my last two vlogs. One is NYC vlogs things are bad and NYC vlogs things are bad and

I found to be quite interesting is that in hindsight now in a very stable

happy place at the moment which who knows how long it's last, but we're riding the wave when it's here.

Looking back at those blocks, neither one could you really pick up on the heaviness that I felt inside, which I found to be so surprising, because when I'm feeling down, it seems so evident.

It seems quite obvious that that is the position that I'm in.

However, as an outsider, even as myself looking back on that footage you

couldn't really tell and I think that even within the podcast I'm like I did the

work I I posted the blog I posted the podcast and I described what I was feeling and maybe I conveyed what I was feeling but you really couldn't tell the

the what's the word I'm looking for. I'm looking for.

The volume.

Editing Lexi here, the word I was looking for is magnitude.

I felt as if you couldn't understand the magnitude at which I was feeling these emotions.

But onward and upward, we're taking it day by day.

Something I found to be very helpful if you do happen to be going through a harder time.

One, just keep reminding yourself like I don't know when but at one point it's going to be better and we just got to wait it out.

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