If You’re Going Through a Breakup, Listen To This
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
iHeartPodcasts
4.7 • 30.5K Ratings
🗓️ 13 March 2026
⏱️ 28 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
If a breakup has ever left you feeling physically sick, emotionally lost, and not feeling like yourself, nothing is wrong with you. You’re grieving.
Today, Jay speaks directly to anyone navigating the quiet devastation of heartbreak, reminding them that nothing is “wrong” with them for feeling the way they do. He explains that breakups don’t just hurt emotionally, they activate the same neural pathways as physical pain and withdrawal. What you’re experiencing isn’t weakness or failure; it’s grief. Jay reframes the end of a relationship not simply as losing a person, but as losing a future you imagined, the routines your nervous system depended on, and the version of yourself that existed within that relationship.
Jay walks us through the five stages of breakup grief, showing how numbness is a form of protection, why the mind gets stuck in rumination after loss, and how anger can signal the return of self-respect. Rather than rushing to “move on,” he encourages simple practices like building small routines, writing down obsessive thoughts, setting boundaries, and resisting the highlight reel your mind creates that makes you only remember the good. The stages aren’t a straight line, but a map that helps you move through uncertainty with more grace and self-compassion.
In this episode, you'll learn:
How to Rebuild Your Routine After a Breakup
How to Break the Cycle of Rumination
How to Express Anger in a Healthy Way
How to Set Boundaries That Protect Your Healing
How to Move Through Sadness Without Rushing It
How to Create Meaning After Loss
Be gentle with yourself in this season. Lean on the people who show up for you. Rebuild your routines slowly. One day, this chapter will no longer be the center of your story, it will be the turning point that makes you wiser, stronger, and more secure in who you are.
With Love and Gratitude,
Jay Shetty
Join over 750,000 people to receive my most transformative wisdom directly in your inbox every single week with my free newsletter. Subscribe here.
What We Discuss:
00:00 Intro
02:19 Biggest Mistake Made During a Break Up
02:34 You’re Actually Experiencing Grief
07:40 Stage #1: Shock and Denial
10:12 2 Ways to Overcome the Shock
12:58 Stage #2: Bargaining and Obsession
17:45 Stage #3: Anger and Protest
21:49 Stage #4: Sadness and Depression
24:33 Stage #5: Acceptance and Meaning
26:24 This is How You Heal
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This is an I-Heart podcast guaranteed human. If you or your friend is going through a breakup right now, |
| 0:08.5 | this episode is for you. I want you to hear this carefully. Nothing is wrong with you. You're not |
| 0:16.0 | weak for missing them. You're not dramatic for feeling this deeply, and you're not failing at love because |
| 0:23.3 | it hurts. What you're experiencing is grief. And most people don't realize this, but breakups |
| 0:31.3 | don't just hurt emotionally. They activate the same neural pathways as physical pain and addiction withdrawal. |
| 0:39.9 | Brain imaging studies from neuroscientist Helen Fisher show that romantic rejection activates the brain's reward system in the same way substance withdrawal does. |
| 0:50.7 | That's why your thoughts feel obsessive. |
| 0:53.0 | That's why your body feels restless or exhausted. That's why logic thoughts feel obsessive. That's why your body feels restless or exhausted. |
| 0:56.1 | That's why logic doesn't seem to help. I'm sure so many of you right now, if you've been |
| 1:01.5 | through a breakup, are wondering, why does my brain feel foggy? Why can't I just go back to work? |
| 1:07.5 | Why can't I deal with the same conversations like I was before? And here's the truth. |
| 1:12.9 | You're not just heartbroken, your nervous system is grieving the loss of an attachment. So today, |
| 1:20.4 | I want to walk you through the stages of grief after a breakup, not as a straight line, not as |
| 1:27.3 | something to rush, but as a map. One of the biggest |
| 1:31.1 | challenges when you go through a problem, a challenge, a difficulty like this is you don't know |
| 1:36.9 | what the next step looks like. You don't know what the next month looks like. Maybe your friends are |
| 1:41.7 | talking to you about dating again. Maybe some other friends are |
| 1:44.4 | talking to you about never dating again. Maybe your ex keeps showing up in your life somehow. |
| 1:49.2 | And it all just feels like a mess. I want you to know that there are certain phases, certain |
| 1:55.7 | experience, certain emotions that you are going to go through. and because you know they're around the corner, |
| 2:02.1 | because you know they're going to happen, |
| 2:04.4 | you can feel comfortable in the uncertainty. |
... |
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