I Tried to Have a Kid With My Best Friend. It Got Complicated.

Modern Love

The New York Times

Love, New York Times, Nytimes, Essay, Loss, Storytelling, Society & Culture, Redemption, Nyt

4.3 • 9K Ratings

🗓️ 3 June 2026

⏱️ 47 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Joseph Osmundson spent years joking about having a baby with his best friend. But one day, she told Joe she was serious about it. Joe was elated. Growing up, he had always wanted to be a father, but he didn’t realize how deep that yearning was until the moment their joke became a concrete plan. At the time, Joe had a boyfriend he loved and his best friend was partnered with a woman. It took time, effort, and countless meetings to decide how to conceive and co-parent in a way that would accommodate everyone involved. What the group did not anticipate was how complex their feelings would become once their plan was underway, or that Joe would have to define what parenting meant to him all over again. Joseph Osmundson’s book, “Spawning Season: An Experiment in Queer Parenting” is out now. How to submit a Modern Love Essay: https://www.nytimes.com/article/how-to-submit-a-modern-love-essay.html How to submit a Tiny Love Story: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/19/style/modern-love-tiny-love-stories.html

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey, Modern Love listeners, this is Wesley Morris. I host a show called Cannonball, and
0:06.4	here to let you know that Cannonball is going live at the Tribeca Festival this year, and my guest
0:13.8	is going to be Cynthia Nixon. Yeah, that's Cynthia Nixon. And we're going to talk about some great art about New York City.
0:22.7	The show is Friday, June 12th at 6 p.m., and I will say it again.
0:27.8	Because, you know, has so nice, you got to say it twice.
0:31.2	Friday, June 12th at 6 p.m.
0:33.9	You can get your tickets right now at Tribecafilm.com slash audio. That's Tribecafilm.com slash audio.
0:41.8	Please come out.
0:43.5	See me and Cynthia. Talk about New York City.
0:47.6	Love now and all.
0:49.1	Did you fall in love last? That's not a love.
0:50.6	Love was stronger than anything.
0:53.1	For the love. Love. And I love you more than anything.
0:57.2	There's to love.
0:58.0	Love.
1:01.0	From the New York Times, I'm Anna Martin.
1:03.8	This is Modern Love.
1:05.8	I don't remember how this whole thing got started,
1:09.4	but in high school, my group of friends, we were seven
1:12.9	girls, we would always joke about having a friend baby. This is obviously a baby that we raised
1:20.8	together as friends. We talk about who would do the disciplining, who would do the spoiling,
1:26.3	what qualities the baby would pick up from each of us? Who would slack on parental duties? This was a joke. But also, there was something real there for me. It was this vision of a future that even if I don't meet the right partner at exactly the right time, I could still be a parent.
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