I used to believe that it was my job to hold people close.

No matter how much they pulled away, if the conversation went quiet, I was the first one to text.

If the call slowed down, I was the one picking up the phone.

If plans were up in the air, I was the one making things come together and making them happen.

And I convinced myself that that was loyalty, that it was a sign of being a good friend,

a good partner, a good person.

But if I'm being honest, it wasn't just loyalty, it's wrapped around fear.

It's fear of losing people, fear of being forgotten fear, that if I didn't put in all the

effort, I wouldn't be enough of them.

What I didn't realize back then was how quickly the fear turns into a habit.

You don't notice it at first. It just becomes second nature to fill in every gap to keep the

connection alive at all costs. And if they don't respond right away I just double text if they

didn't call back I convinced myself they were just busy and I try again later if

they didn't make the effort to see me I'd rearrange my own schedule to make sure it

still happened and honestly it felt noble in the moment like I was fighting for something worth keeping but what

I was really doing was training myself to overcompensate I was setting a standard that said you

don't have to meet me halfway because I'll come the whole distance for you and that's problematic

see the problem is that creates a dangerous pattern. You start measuring

your value by how much you work and the work that you're putting in for someone else's

attention. And the truth is closeness should never have to be earned through constant proving

and over delivering. Looking back now, now I can see how imbalance that was, because if a relationship only survives

when one person is carrying all the weight, it's not really surviving, it is draining.

...