Thanks for listening to my call of the day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from two to five PM Eastern time on serious XM triumph 111.

Yana, welcome to the program. Hi, hi, I love your show. Thanks for taking my call. Thank you.

I'm 54. I'm the youngest of three. My sister and I are exactly 12 months apart. I recall growing up when I was eight nine 10 11.

It was the running joke in my family that I was a mistake. I was the milkman daughter.

I wasn't planned. My mother found out she was pregnant and she's going to jump off bridge. So everyone would laugh. It was sort of the running joke in the family. I didn't realize how it affected me until I got older and found that I was competing with my sister all the time and created the monster that I am.

I've had to basically find distance from my family because they don't quite understand what I'm dealing with and I've tried to talk to them, but of course my mother states that we treated all of you the same.

I don't understand what's going on and now I find I'm very competitive. I always have to one up everyone.

It's tiring. It's tiring and I don't have a great relationship with my family and they're close by and I want to have that, but I don't know how to get past this. I've been in therapy. I've talked to people.

Okay. Can you can you well when we've been in therapy and talk to people then it's something we don't want to let go of.

Okay, because I'll tell you why there are times we don't want to let go of stuff because there are secondary gains. I'll talk about that a little bit more in a moment. But first I want to proclaim and I did this at every one woman show I had.

I was an accident.

My parents weren't even married. He was a second lieutenant in the army. Are you kidding? I'll tell you why I like this. He was a second lieutenant in the army of America liberating Italy from Mussolini, etc.

The Axis powers. Okay. Meets my mother who was dropped Ed Gorgeous, by the way, I look like my dad. Anyway, meets my mother who was dropped Ed Gorgeous. He doesn't speak Italian. She doesn't speak English. They obviously got it on under a tree.

Yep. Then they got married. And she came to the United States. And I made it off the boat. So I'm pure American. I was not born in the middle of the ocean. And you know why I like this.

I like to know that there was a time that they were good together.

Because I didn't see that growing up. Right. Now I didn't hear the jokes that you heard. And when kids hear that sort of joke, we take it seriously.

And it sounds crazy to say it now, but it made you feel like you were not wanted. They had to keep you and who wanted to. But they were they as adults on an adult level. You and I on adult level could say that and really think we were funny.

But if the kid hears it, it's truth. Yeah. Yeah. And I didn't realize it until later in life when I was like, what am I doing? I'm competing.

Okay. Don't repeat everything you said already. Trust me. I already got it all.

You don't have to repeat yourself like you have to all 5,000,000 friends and relatives. You are not giving this up. Right.

You actually want to hold on to it. Okay. It is your identity claim to fame and sympathy, garnered.

True. It also makes you feel superior. True.

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