I have a strict policy. If a friend of mine kills somebody, I don't want to hear about it.

Welcome back to Dear Shandy listeners. Hello, Andy. Hello. How are you today?

Doing good? Doing good. Color time. Yeah, color time. That's what you should be called. Color time,

not color day. That's right. Yeah, we're joined today for color time by a lovely color named

Kelly. Kelly, thank you so much for joining us. Hi, thanks for having me. Do you mind giving us your

age, the ages of anyone in question and your city or region, whatever you're comfortable sharing

and your story, please? We are in our like mid to late 30s and we are located in the San Francisco

Bay Area. Okay, so it's a really long, complicated story. And I kind of want to break it down

to kind of ensure that it doesn't get too lost. So I'm going to start with just the overarching

theme of my question is, am I the asshole? All right, well, let's start. What do you think?

There's something about the build up to that was just fantastic. Okay, let's hear all the parts.

Yeah. Okay, so the beginning parts. So it's about my cousin. Her name is Rita. And she

was cheating on her husband. I actually wrote into you like over half a year ago. So I don't

know if you guys recall, but I remember and your email was too long. Remember you say,

remember to all of you too, you make it short and I was like, yeah, she's talking about me.

Oh, yeah. So when I wrote in, I was very convicted because I had just found out about her affair.

And I wanted you guys to guidance on what to do about it, whether I should kind of have her deal

with it on her own, let it play out, plays out, or should I tell her her husband and her husband's,

let's call him Derek. I should let you know that Derek actually is like one of my brothers

really close friend. And my husband and I also consider him like a friend as well.

Because I think that's important. So about two years ago, Rita opened up to me for the first time

that she was having marriage troubles with Derek. And that's when she told me that Derek had found

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