I Don't Know What I Want Sexually (Help)

Sex With Emily

Sexuality, Health & Fitness

4.3 • 6.8K Ratings

🗓️ 6 February 2026

⏱️ 34 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Whether you've been with your partner for ten months or ten years, knowing what you actually want in bed is harder than it sounds—especially if you never got the chance to explore. In this episode, Dr. Emily takes listener calls about the real challenges that keep couples stuck: shame around masturbation, mismatched experience levels, and the fear that fading passion means something's broken. From a wife who's never had a partner ask what she wants to a husband hiding his solo sessions in the basement, Emily breaks down why sexual self-discovery isn't selfish—it's essential. She also tackles what to do when your partner wants to swing but you're not sure, and why taking penetration off the table might be the fastest way to bring the heat back. In this episode, you'll learn: • Why being a skilled lover has nothing to do with how many people you've slept with—and everything to do with curiosity and communication • How to take the lead in bed without becoming a completely different person (even if you've always been submissive) • The "hell yes or hell no" rule for navigating swinging, threesomes, and any sexual experience that makes you feel vulnerable More Dr. Emily: • Shop With Emily! Explore Emily’s favorite toys, pleasure accessories, bedroom essentials, and more — designed to support your pleasure and confidence. Free shipping on orders $99+ (some exclusions apply). • Join the SmartSX Membership: Access exclusive sex coaching, live expert sessions, community building, and tools to enhance your pleasure and relationships with Dr. Emily Morse. • Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Reach out to enrollment@sexwithemily.com to learn more! • Sex With Emily Guides: Explore pleasure, deepen connections, and enhance intimacy using these Sex With Emily downloadable guides. • The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure • Want more? Visit the Sex With Emily Website • Let’s get social: Instagram | X | Facebook | TikTok | Threads | YouTube • Let’s text: Sign up here • Want me to slide into your email inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular. Timestamps: 0:00 - Introduction 1:33 - McKenzie: Husband complains about sex life to others 4:36 - Why partner count doesn't determine sexual skill 6:14 - How to discover what you actually want in bed 9:37 - Experience is not a numbers game 10:43 - Dan: Feeling guilty about masturbating while married 13:06 - Why masturbation shame hurts relationships 15:41 - Sarah: Giving her husband a prostate orgasm for his 50th 19:04 - Switching from submissive to dominant in bed 23:02 - Alex: Girlfriend wants to try soft swapping 25:17 - Hannah: Taking sex off the table to reconnect 30:03 - Building intimacy without rushing to penetration Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	A lot of people think that like an experienced sexual partner has to do with the number of people that we've slept with.
0:08.0	Oh, well, they've had 60 partners and I've had two and so I'm showing up and I'm already behind the eight ball here because, you know, I can't possibly keep up with that.
0:16.0	But I can tell you that being a skilled lover has a lot less to do with how many people you've slept with
0:21.2	and has to do with being somebody who is curious, who pays attention, who has learned with
0:26.7	a partner how to fulfill each other's needs. You're listening to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily,
0:34.1	and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex.
0:41.0	There are wants and then there are needs, sexual needs to be precise.
0:45.4	Well, in today's Ask Emily show, everyone has that one need that they're longing to satisfy.
0:51.0	They just don't know how to do it.
0:52.7	Well, good news, The sex expert has arrived,
0:55.1	and I'm here to help you take that next vital step. If you want a hotter sex life, but your
1:00.3	partner shuts down around sex convoes, I've got communication tips. How about when you want
1:06.5	your partner to have a crazy orgasm, but you just don't know the right techniques? Yep, I talk about
1:12.0	the great ones. And finally, if your partner desires a sexual experience like swinging, but you're
1:17.3	not so sure, what in the world do you do? Answer, well, you listen to this episode, because I promise
1:23.6	for every sex problem, there is a path forward. All right, everyone, enjoy this episode.
1:34.3	You know that moment when things are getting really good and then your brain goes, wait,
1:38.6	what about the mess? Well, common confidential thought about that. Their massage butter,
1:43.2	their love towels, and intimate blanket were designed to work together
1:47.0	so nothing pulls you out of the moment.
1:49.2	The massage butter is rich and silky, made to help you slow down and stay connected in your
1:54.2	body.
	...

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