4.8 • 7.7K Ratings
🗓️ 17 December 2025
⏱️ 77 minutes
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. I'm bail of Jesse Thorne. This week, I declare a hiss trial. Kate brings the case against her husband, Wes. Kate and Wes recently had to put down their elderly corn snake, Amber. Now they're ready to let another snake slither into their hearts and home. Kate says a senior |
| 0:23.6 | snake is the way to go. Wes is opposed. He didn't have enough time with Ember. He's not ready |
| 0:30.5 | for the heartbreak that comes with senior pet adoption. Who's right, who's wrong, only one can |
| 0:36.6 | decide. Please rise as Judge John Hodgman enters |
| 0:40.1 | the courtroom and presents an obscure cultural reference. I'm banned for life at Doogley's |
| 0:45.4 | pet world, so I need you to go get me cat food, bat food, snake shampoo, and a hundred |
| 0:51.2 | frozen mice. Baylor if Jesse Thorne, please swear the litigants in. Kate and Wes please rise and raise your right hands. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God or whatever? I do. I do. Do you swear to abide by Judge John Hodgman's ruling, despite the fact that he himself uses snake shampoo. |
| 1:11.6 | I do. |
| 1:12.3 | I do. |
| 1:14.3 | It's sensitive for when he's molting. |
| 1:15.2 | Exactly. |
| 1:21.3 | I mean, when I shed my scalp, I need sensitive snake shampoo in order to not irritate my scalp. |
| 1:24.9 | Also, it's very good for maintaining those essential hair oils. |
| 1:29.8 | Hey, Wes and Kate, it's nice to see you again. Of course, I know you from before. |
| 1:35.1 | We've met before on Get Your Pets, My every now and then afternoon streaming talk show where I interview people's cats, dogs, and other pets, including snakes. But I'm not going to let our |
| 1:40.1 | prior association cloud my judgment as I stand or sit before you. You can be seated as well. |
| 1:47.1 | Let's hear this case for an immediate summary judgment in one of your favorites. Can either |
| 1:50.3 | you name the piece of culture that I referenced as I enter this courtroom? Kate, do you want to |
| 1:54.0 | take your first guess or the first guess? You know what, Kate, I'm going to give you two guesses. |
| 2:00.2 | How do you like that? |
| 2:21.6 | Thank you, Your Honor. My first guess is my pre-assigned guess, which is episode 170 of this very podcast called Monty Bell Monty Python. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Monty-Bin-Python. That's a good guess. Hang on. Let me write it down. I almost forgot. Those of you on the YouTube know I'm always writing these down and you can check for sure. |
| 2:22.8 | You can see I've written it down. |
... |
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