Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through

research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less.

Today's tip is about hurt feelings.

Here's what you need to know.

They happen to everyone, but for totally different reasons.

And here's another revelation. Hurt feelings do not

mean you or your partner did something wrong. No one needs to be blamed because it's not

anyone's fault. What a relief, right? See if you relate to this scenario. It's the middle of the

afternoon and you realize you're hungry.

You start rummaging through the kitchen for something that will satisfy you.

Ice cream? Nope. Fruit? Nope. Ah, but there's some cheese and tortillas and a cassidia sounds perfect.

You take them out and suddenly your partner comes in and says, hey, what are you doing?

Please don't eat that.

I need those for dinner.

You suddenly feel hurt.

Put the stuff back in the fridge and say angrily to your partner, sorry.

Then leave the room.

Was there anything wrong with your partner's request?

Of course not.

Is there anything wrong with your reaction?

Nope.

The reason you reacted this way might be that

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