How We Invalidate Our Kids Without Meaning To (And What to Do Instead)

Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled

JLML Press

Kids & Family, Parenting

4.7 • 3.8K Ratings

🗓️ 28 February 2023

⏱️ 25 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

With the best of intentions, we can invalidate our kids in subtle ways that make it harder for them to move through their feelings in a healthy manner. Janet responds to three questions from listeners who each recount a specific difficulty they’re experiencing with their kids’ behaviors. These are thoughtful, patient, respectful parents, yet their problems seem to persist. They feel they just can’t get through to their child. Janet identifies a common thread in these parents’ stories and explains how and why they could be inadvertently invalidating their children’s feelings. She offers suggestions for how they might look beyond the problem to understand and address the cause.

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse.com and JanetLansbury.com.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey everyone, before we begin, I just want to remind you to please check out my new
0:07.6	No Bad Kids Master course.
0:09.6	You can find out all about it at nobadkidscourse.com.
0:13.9	Hi, this is Janet Lansfury.
0:20.3	Welcome to Unruffled.
0:21.3	Today, I'm going to be talking about invalidating our children's feelings and their point of view,
0:28.2	their experience.
0:29.8	I'm not referring to the extreme kind of gas lady type of invalidations that I doubt
0:35.8	any of you listening would do.
0:38.2	What I want to discuss today are these subtle moments of pushing back on what our child
0:43.8	is expressing and how by doing this, we actually don't get the results that we're hoping for,
0:51.7	which is for our child to feel better, for our child to know that their feelings are
0:56.9	okay for them to have to nurture their self-worth, because when children act out of that self-worth,
1:04.8	they behave better, right, just like all of us.
1:08.4	So I'm going to be bringing up some specific examples, but please know that each of these
1:13.9	specifics represents lots and lots of different situations that parents have shared with me,
1:19.5	and situations I've experienced myself, where we can have this tendency to invalidate
1:26.1	and it gets in our way.
1:28.1	It gives messages that we don't intend, sometimes even the opposite of the message that we intend.
1:35.6	So I'm excited to dig into this.
1:40.3	Every cell tissue and organ in our bodies need water to work properly.
1:44.6	So hydration is an important element of self-care.
	...

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