How We Can Improve Communication in Polarized Times with Charles Duhigg

The One You Feed

Eric Zimmer, The One You Feed

Education, Self-improvement, Religion & Spirituality, Health & Fitness, Buddhism, Mental Health

4.6 • 2.5K Ratings

🗓️ 4 November 2025

⏱️ 52 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode, Charles Duhigg explains how we can improve communication in polarized times. He explores how to foster active listening, social reciprocity, and techniques like “looping for understanding.” The conversation covers different types of conversations, the importance of focusing on common ground, and strategies for building and changing habits. Charles also shares insights on handling online conflict, the psychology of identity threat, and how intentional communication and habit design can improve relationships and personal well-being. Exciting News!!! Coming in March, 2026, my new book, How a Little Becomes a Lot: The Art of Small Changes for a More Meaningful Life is now available for pre-orders! Key Takeaways: Importance of active and ostentatious listening in conversations. Concept of social reciprocity and its role in effective communication. Techniques for improving dialogue, such as “looping for understanding.” Different types of conversations: practical, emotional, and social. The idea of meta conversation and setting clear goals for discussions. Strategies for focusing on common ground before addressing differences. The impact of politeness in online communication and reducing hostility. Understanding identity threat and its effects on open dialogue. The habit loop framework: cue, routine, and reward in habit formation. The significance of implementation intentions in managing habits and responses. For full show notes, click here! Connect with the show: Follow us on YouTube: @TheOneYouFeedPod Subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Spotify Follow us on Instagram If you enjoyed this conversation with Charles Duhigg, check out these other episodes: Oren Jay Sofer on Mindful Communication How to Unlock the Power of Deeper Connections with David Brooks Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	When somebody proves to us that they're listening to us, when someone is polite to us,
0:05.4	we have an instinct to listen back to them, to be polite to them back in return.
0:11.1	So one of the things that we have to do is instead of just listening, we have to ostentatiously listen.
0:16.2	We have to prove that we're listening.
0:27.6	Welcome to the one you feed.
0:32.3	Throughout time, great thinkers have recognized the importance of the thoughts we have.
0:37.7	Quotes like garbage in, garbage out, or you are what you think, ring true.
0:42.1	And yet, for many of us, our thoughts don't strengthen or empower us.
0:46.6	We tend toward negativity, self-pity, jealousy, or fear.
0:49.6	We see what we don't have instead of what we do.
0:52.9	We think things that hold us back and dampen our spirit.
0:55.1	But it's not just about thinking.
0:56.6	Our actions matter.
1:01.1	It takes conscious, consistent, and creative effort to make a life worth living.
1:08.2	This podcast is about how other people keep themselves moving in the right direction, how they feed their good wolf.
1:16.7	I have a confession. I've gotten pretty cynical about certain conversations, because here's what usually happens. I try to listen. I ask questions. I'm genuinely curious. And the other person
1:24.3	just keeps talking. There's no reciprocity, no, what do you think? It feels
1:29.8	less like a dialogue and more like I'm just absorbing someone's monologue. My guest today is Charles
1:36.3	Duhigg, author of The Power of Habit and Super Communicators, and he said to me something I'd never
1:42.2	really considered. Maybe they just don't know how to ask questions back.
1:48.0	Maybe they need permission.
1:49.8	That really helped reframe some things for me.
	...

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