Thank you for downloading the Focus on the Family Parenting Podcast. You can find more helpful advice at

Focus on the Family.com.

slash Parenting Podcast.

So you've been correcting your kids over and over and over and over again and you're so

frustrated there's no apparent change. You know it's really easy for us to be really concentrating on the kids outward

behavior and we forget sometimes to speak to the heart. I'm Jean Fuller

along with Danny Werta who directs our parenting and youth team here at

focus on the family and Danny go ahead and describe what you see is the difference

between correcting our kids behavior and let's just call it engaging their

heart.

Well, it's interesting, John, is that there's one sibling conflict every 10 minutes.

That's what statistics say.

For some families, it's a little more than that.

Almost eight an hour sibling conflict. So there is a lot of

intervening from parents and many times I don't have the energy to deal with

what's going on in the heart. It takes a little more energy, more time, more patience, and the

question or a way to engage this is I noticed you chose to do this, what is really

going on? Especially with teenagers, pre-teens, you can ask that question, what is really going on especially with teenagers pre-teens you can ask that question what is really going on i

remember many times that i've spent with my son and my daughter on the couch or taking a

walk right said hey i think we need to go talk over here I need to understand

what just happened I really want to understand it I notice this it's beyond that and in to parents, that's what I coached them to do,

look beyond the behavior, right before the behavior, our emotions and thoughts, and

...