Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through

research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less. Today's tip is about

taking care of each other by taking care of ourselves. Does this sound like you? You love sharing

your life with your partner. You've dreamed about a relationship

like this your whole life and feel like it's going really well. But lately, you've realized that

you've totally forgotten about one of the most important relationships of all, the one with

yourself. Creating space and time for yourself is vital to having a strong, solid relationship with your partner.

In fact, the healthiest relationships involve both of you keeping your own individuality alive and well.

But here's the thing.

Spending too much time together, being fused at the hip, can be unhealthy,

and sometimes happens when one partner feels uncomfortable

about expressing their own uniqueness, and so they try to merge with their partner in everything

they do.

At the other extreme are couples who keep each other at arm's length, fearing that they'll lose

their sense of self in the relationship.

The key, as is with everything in life, is balance.

The happiest couples we know allow each other to have a sense of autonomy, to explore and

experience the things in life that are important to them, even if it means doing their own thing.

They encourage each other to follow their dreams. They strive not to be independent or dependent,

but rather interdependent. So reclaim your individual identity and recharge your batteries

and encourage your partner to do the same. If your partner says, I'm feeling stressed,

it's a beautiful day. I think I'll go down to the driving range and hit a few

...