Hi, you're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through

research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less. Today's tip is about

connecting in the midst of uncertainty. Everyone has gone through a crisis at some point in their

life. Maybe you're even going through one right now.

Everything feels untethered in a crisis.

You're overwhelmed with swells of fear, panic, anxiety, sadness, anger, or even numbness.

And that uncertainty that comes from a crisis can also test your relationship.

Maybe you and your partner are spending way more time at home right now because of COVID-19, alongside your kids, all while trying to work from home. It can be a lot.

So the pre-existing conflicts can be magnified. On top of that, some couples might also be navigating a

difference in emotional needs. Maybe your level of worry and anxiety

isn't matching your partners. Or maybe one of you needs more space and the other needs more togetherness.

So you don't drift apart. Both partners need to be conscious about the decisions and choices they make

and their daily interactions. And the key is understanding.

Here's how you can find that understanding in the midst of the chaos.

Have some open and honest conversations to connect with your partner.

You could start with, how are you feeling today?

But you also don't necessarily have to start with a question.

Lay your feelings out there first. You can say,

I feel this way about this thing. What about you? How do you feel about it? If you've already

picked up on an emotion that your partner may be feeling, let them know in a loving way. Say,

I've noticed you're feeling a little this way lately. What's going on? Another good question to

ask your partner, no matter how they're feeling, is how can I make you feel loved today?

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