Hi. You're listening to Small Things Often from the Gottman Institute, where we talk you through

research-based tips to help improve your relationships in five minutes or less. Today's tip is about

staying connected through the holidays. While you're busy getting ready for whatever you celebrate,

it can be easy to let your

relationship take a back seat. All of the excitement, food, and presence can leave you feeling

stressed out and exhausted. And maybe that means you're not as easygoing and kind as you usually

are. So how do you get back in sync with your partner? Make time for them. And that can start with one magical word.

No.

Say no to party invitations and to doing more than a single string of lights outside your house.

Say no to perfectly wrapped teacher gifts.

And to attempting that elaborate recipe that has ingredients you've never heard of.

Sometimes saying no can be tough, but it can also be liberating and empowering.

It might even feel really, really good.

Like, let's say your friend invited you to a party, and as soon as they said the words

cookie exchange, you immediately start

stressing. You have so much to do already and can't possibly add one more thing onto your plate,

let alone making cookies from scratch. And while it's okay if you feel a little guilty,

it still might be the right move to say, no, I'm so sorry, but I won't be able to make it.

Saying no can be good for you and your relationship.

You know what else helps?

Creating white space.

Those are the moments of not accomplishing anything or checking things off a list.

...