Hi everybody, welcome to Year Move where we help you make better decisions and live with fewer regrets.

I'm Andy Stanley and I'll be your guide.

Now, when a relationship breaks, isn't it true our tendency is to always focus on the other person,

rather than the person in the mirror, but oftentimes, regardless of who created the fuss,

fixing things begins with us.

So, you got a relationship that needs fixing?

That's what we're talking about today, right here on Your Move.

Let's stick around.

I know we were all raised in different ways of different families, but the way I was raised was that the man in the relationship is ultimately responsible for the relationship,

which seems like a terrible idea because we're so bad at relationships.

But that's how I was raised, and again, that's just how I was raised, but the way I internalized that growing up and even moving into marriage was that if anything went wrong in the relationship, that ultimately somehow it was my fault.

And I say somehow, because sometimes it takes me a few minutes to figure out how it's my fault.

So, in our marriage, it goes like this, and just like, Andy, I'm so sorry, I should have told you, Andy, and I'm like,

oh, I know, it's my fault, it's my fault. She's like, how's that your fault? I'm like, I don't know, just give me a minute.

I'll come up with something. I just feel this, again, I don't know if it's healthy and this isn't marriage advice, this is just me.

And so, through the years, I have the default.

So, when I can't figure out how what she did, or what she was apologizing for, is ultimately my fault, I default to this.

Well, if I hadn't asked you to marry me in the first place, this would have never happened.

Again, I'm not suggesting this as a habit or pattern, this is just, and the reason I bring it up is this, as we kind of jump into the content today.

Given enough time, there is always a way to sneak yourself, a slice of what we're going to call the blame pie.

Given enough time, regardless of what happened, who said what, or how long ago that relationship was broken, or how recently it was broken, or maybe something happened this morning, or this afternoon,

and there's conflict in the relationship. Given enough time, there's always a way to find yourself a slice of the blame pie, even if it's just a little sliver of the pie.

...