You're listening to Life Kit from NPR.

Hey, it's Mariel.

When it comes to romantic relationships, we tend to place a lot of emphasis on falling in love,

but we overlook what it takes to stay there.

Sure, it's lovely to watch Cinderella and Prince Charming right off

into the sunset. But then after the honeymoon, Cinderella keeps leaving those glass slippers

hanging around where anybody can trip over them. And the Prince doesn't seem so charming when he can't

seem to show up on time. Rupure, conflict, it's going to happen in relationships no matter what.

We cannot avoid it.

Bea Voce is a couples counselor based in Austin, Texas.

She finds that a lot of couples need help with what comes after the fight, the repair.

And I think we're really missing it.

I think this is actually the thing that helps us grow up together.

Repair, to me, is the single most important ingredient in what actually develops into healthy, long-term, secure functioning

relationships. Repair in relationships is the process of mending a tear after a conflict in a way

that supports whoever was hurt

and ultimately brings y'all back together. Repair might look like physical touch and that's all you

need. For me, repair, I might actually need redemption. I might need you to own a piece of what

happened and then I might really need to see behavior change.

Some people seeing behavior change isn't actually as important as the apology up front.

So repair can look really different for many people.

But there are some basic steps we can share.

...