How To Overcome Your Self Doubt with Dr. Shadé Zahrai

THE ED MYLETT SHOW

Ed Mylett

Education, Self-improvement, Business, Entrepreneurship

4.9 • 14.1K Ratings

🗓️ 10 February 2026

⏱️ 71 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

What If Self-Confidence Isn’t the Answer and Self-Trust Is What You’ve Been Missing? Most people think the opposite of self-doubt is confidence. In this conversation, Dr. Shadé Zahrai completely flips that belief on its head. She is a behavioral researcher, bestselling author of Big Trust, and one of the most insightful minds I’ve ever sat down with when it comes to understanding why high performers still struggle with anxiety, overthinking, and that constant feeling of not being enough. I’ll be honest, her work challenged some of the things I’ve taught for years, and that’s exactly why this episode matters. We dive deep into why waiting to feel confident is keeping so many people stuck and why self-trust always has to come first. Dr. Zahrai breaks down the four core attributes that shape how we experience doubt, including acceptance, agency, autonomy, and emotional adaptability. She explains why doubt isn’t something to eliminate, but something to rise above by strengthening who you are underneath it. If you’ve ever felt like an anxious overachiever who keeps pushing but never quite feels settled, you’re going to feel seen in this conversation. One of the most powerful parts of this episode is how expectation bias quietly shapes your reality. Dr. Zahrai shares fascinating research that shows how the scars you believe you’re carrying can completely change how you experience conversations, relationships, and opportunities, even when those scars are not real. We also talk about why validation from achievement, praise, or external approval is one of the most dangerous traps high performers fall into and why it leaves so many successful people feeling empty. We also get extremely practical. Dr. Zahrai walks through tools that actually work, including how to stop obsessing over outcomes, how to quiet the inner critical voices that sabotage momentum, and why self-forgetting through service is one of the fastest ways to restore confidence. I also share a technique from her book that has already changed how I deal with worry, and if you’re someone who struggles with anxiety or rumination, this alone is worth listening to the episode. This conversation is not surface-level motivation. It’s real inner work. If you’ve ever felt stuck between who you are and who you know you’re capable of becoming, this episode will give you a framework to rebuild trust in yourself and move forward with clarity and peace. Key Takeaways Why self-trust always comes before confidence and action The four core attributes that protect you from self-doubt How expectation bias shapes your relationships and results Why obsession with outcomes erodes self-belief A simple daily practice to reduce worry and overthinking How to quiet your inner critic without forcing fake positivity Listen now, and start building the kind of trust in yourself that no setback can take away. Max out. 👉 SUBSCRIBE TO ED'S YOUTUBE CHANNEL NOW 👈⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ → → → CONNECT WITH ED MYLETT ON SOCIAL MEDIA: ← ← ← ➡️ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠INSTAGRAM⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ➡️⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠FACEBOOK⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ➡️ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠LINKEDIN⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ➡️ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠X ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ➡️ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠WEBSITE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	This is the Edmireland show.
0:05.0	Welcome back to the show, everybody. So I have to tell you something. First off, the topic today, we're going to talk about self-doubt, self-confidence, sprinkling in a little worry, just so we have the full package for you today.
0:17.0	And I think it's probably the most important topic we can cover on the show. However, I'm careful to cover it on the show because it's work I do that you know that I work on with all of you. And so if I'm going to have a guest on, I want it to be somebody who I think brings something to the table on the topic that I've either never heard before or is next level. And in this woman's case, she checks both of those boxes. We're going to have an extraordinary conversation about you and how your mind works and doubt today.
0:41.9	She's a behavioral researcher, which sounds very fancy, but she's also a world-renowned author.
0:47.4	She's got about 300 million views online between her TED Talk and LinkedIn different stuff.
0:53.0	And I read this book. I read it in a day
0:55.4	because I could not put it down. The book is called Big Trust. And I've always wanted to say this, too. I get to introduce a Shadei on my show. So Shadeh Zari. Welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having me, Ed. Thank you for coming so far. Tell them how far you came to get here today. I live on Kosoamui Island, which is an island off the east coast of Thailand, and we love a little island. And you also live on an island. So we have that in common. We do. We have a lot in common. Because actually off camera, I was shocked by how much. You, your work's good. Thank you. It's really good. And it's made me rethink some of the things I teach. It's that good. Let's start out, first of all, let's just take self-doubt and self-confidence. When I say those two words to you, like what do they mean? Because different people, they can mean different things. What self-doubt mean when I say that to you you so self-doubt is when you fundamentally question one of four things when we
1:47.9	look at the research you question your worthiness your capability your sense of
1:52.7	control in a situation or your ability to handle the emotions associated with
1:57.2	something a lot of people when you ask them what is self-doubt they think it's one
2:00.5	big blob of worry anxiety fear, fear, insecurity. And the problem with that is if we think it's
2:05.8	just one thing, then we assume that there must be one solution. So people spend their entire lives
2:11.3	looking for this one golden ticket that's going to eliminate their self-doubt and they get frustrated
2:15.8	and they get disappointed when they don't find it because that's not how it works. And that's why gratitude alone doesn't really
2:22.1	work. Positive affirmations alone don't really work. There is an entire system that we need to
2:27.5	understand about what drives us and what drives our doubt. And until we understand that and what is
2:32.5	driving it, we're not going to be
2:34.4	able to find the right approach to actually help us rise above it is self-confidence
2:38.4	the antithesis of self-doubt or is it different when I ask a lot of people like if
2:42.3	I were to go on the street and ask 100 people what do you think the opposite of
2:45.3	self-doubt is 95% of them or 95 of them would say confidence and it's because
2:50.5	we live in a society where we believe confidence is the opposite of self-doubt. So we must wait to feel confident before we take the step. Right. And this is why we speak to so many people who are waiting to feel ready, to feel that sense of, yes, I can do this. And then they're just waiting and waiting and waiting. And I'm sure, Ed, you know a lot of people like this too. Anyone listening and watching probably is identifying,
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