Welcome to the look and sound of leadership, an ongoing series of executive coaching tips

designed to help you be perceived in the workplace the way you want to be perceived.

I'm Tom Henshiel, your executive coach, and today we're talking about how to motivate and inspire.

John was extolling the excellence of Matthew, one of his direct reports.

When our coaching began, John had been endlessly annoyed with Matthew.

Chunks of our time were spent with John frustrated by all the ways Matthew was not meeting expectations.

And now only four months later, John was calling him a high performer.

When John got to the end of his praise, I observed,

You've both come a long way, John. I'm really glad for you.

What do you think made this happen?

Needing no time to consider, John said, All the times you asked me, have you told him that?

After about the sixth time, I got the message.

Once I started talking directly to him, instead of complaining about him to everyone else,

he got better.

I smiled, remembering, John was right.

Whenever he would complete one of his lamentations, I would ask.

"'Have you told Matthew that?

"'And most often he hadn't.'

"'John went on, but it's really about him.

"'I could have talked forever,

"'but Matthew was the one who had to make the changes,

"'and he has. It's impressive.'

...