You're listening to Life Kit, from NPR.

Hey everybody, it's Mariel.

Okay, so picture this.

It's the holidays.

You're having dinner with the family, and you can feel a storm brewing.

Your brother-in-law starts to needle you about what you're eating or not eating.

Two of your cousins have started just lightly shouting at each other, or your aunt is asking your sister yet again when she's having kids.

You know, families fight, especially when they're all together under the same roof, and especially if people

are drinking, even though combat is probably not the reason you showed up.

What if we approach this differently?

On this episode of Life Kit, we're going to share some tools

you can use when conflict arises during a family gathering. It's improv, right?

You're saying what works in the moment you have these tools you have these strategies you have these

scripts of what to say some things will land and other things won't we'll talk

about when to engage or mediate when to delay a conversation or deflect,

and how to disagree productively

so you can actually enjoy the time you have together. All right, so like I was saying, most of us don't go to family gatherings, spoiling for a fight.

We may go out of obligation or guilt, but we're still hoping to connect or to feel joy that day.

If you know that your family's holiday events tend to turn into verbal brawls,

you can prepare for that by getting clear on your intentions going in.

Remember the only person you can control is you. I think it always has to start with

ourselves. Amy Lou is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in San Diego and she says you'll want to figure out why you want to attend this gathering.

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