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Hi, this is Janet Lansbury. Welcome to Unruffled. Today I'm going to be responding to an exchange I had with a parent whose son is very demanding and she really doesn't know how to meet his demands and

help him stop doing it no matter what she does it seems to continue and what her

note brings up are some very commonly

misunderstood and confusing issues that we deal with as parents. These are

connection. What does that really mean? What does that really look like in all kinds of situations?

Two, how do we help kids share their feelings?

And three, how do we encourage independent play?

Or at least encourage our child to play with us

in a way that isn't draining on us, where we don't have to perform.

We can instead enjoy more and learn through their play about them.

Learn about our child.

Okay, so first here's this parent's note.

Hi Janet, I'm having a hard time figuring out how to respond to my toddler three years old

when he becomes very demanding. It's almost always around play. He will ask me or

his dad to play, which if we can, we will for a little bit.

But the play ends up becoming him just wanting to watch us play and he stops engaging.

When we say, you do it, he starts to get very sad and says, no, you do it.

I can't do it, etc.

We really do hold our ground, so once we have said we're all done playing, we really mean it.

But he gets very upset and starts to throw his toys,

...