Welcome back to the savvy psychologist. I'm Dr. Ellen Hendrickson, and every week I'll help you meet

life's challenges with evidence-based research, a sympathetic ear, and zero judgment.

Okay, so this week we have a twist on the usual episode. It is an audio excerpt from

How to Be Yourself, Quiet Your Inner Critic, and Rise Above Social Anxiety. Okay, so why are we doing

this? Well, this is the particular chapter that I've gotten the most feedback about since the

book came out. And I think it's because it covers something we all think

about, but no one really talks about. And what could that be, you ask? Is it how to

discreetly sniff your own armpits in public? Is it how not to buy the free sample after you

just ate three of them? Not quite. Instead, it is about how to make friends as an adult.

Because when you're a kid, making friends is easy, your buddies with the neighbors or the kids you see

in class every day. But after pomp and circumstance plays for the last time and you've tossed your

mortarboard, you are thrust into a new world of adulting

where everything, including friendship, gets more ambiguous. But fear not, you are not alone,

and here is what you need to know. I hope you enjoy it. The building blocks of beautiful friendships,

they're not what you think. It is a luxury to be

understood. Ralph Waldo Emerson. Maddie turned the key and opened the door to her apartment,

where another long evening stretched before her. She felt deflated. She was a year into living in San

Jose, having moved there from her tiny hometown in the Sierra Nevada. Jobs were scarce there,

so when she got an offer to manage payroll for a shipping company in San Jose, she took the chance,

even though she didn't know a soul in the city. Overall, the move had been a

success. The only problem, according to Maddie, was that she had yet to make any friends.

"'It's been a year,' she said to me. Everyone at home said to give it a year, that it takes

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