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My name is Elizabeth. I am 43 years old and I just recently left the Mormon church. I grew up in it and have been in my whole

life and I, at the end of last year, just realized it was not working for me and it was time

for something new.

Welcome to how to. I'm Courtney Martin. How to, as you know, is an advice show, and we get questions about everything from how to pay off your student loans to like how to have a yard sale. And then there are deeply personal questions, like Elizabeth, which arrived in an email with a subject line, How to Lose My Virginity in my 40s.

Okay, now just a heads up, we are obviously going to talk about sex in this conversation.

So, in her message, Elizabeth wrote,

I grew up in the Mormon church, which has very strict rules about sex outside of marriage.

I never got married.

So, no sex.

And now I don't even know how to go about doing this.

It's a very good question.

Obviously, there are many, many different forms of sexual, physical intimacy.

But culturally, we often hear about people experiencing their firsts as teens.

During that time, there's awkwardness, fumbling, learning together.

And when you don't have that developmental period, for whatever reason, you feel behind.

Like everyone has this script or knowledge, and you don't.

It can be deeply isolating.

Which is why today's listener Elizabeth wants some guidance. Teachings of the Mormon church include not having sex outside of marriage,

and that's something that is taken very seriously. People have been kicked out of the church

for having sex outside of marriage before. And typically it's not a huge issue because Mormons also tend to get married pretty young.

...