How To Know What You Really Want in Bed

Sex With Emily

Health & Fitness, Sexuality

4.3 • 6.8K Ratings

🗓️ 14 July 2026

⏱️ 35 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Today, we're diving into pillar four of Sex IQ: self-knowledge. This is the pillar that ties everything together, because once you understand your body (embodiment), your health, and how to collaborate with a partner, the real magic happens when you actually know what turns you on. I'm breaking down core erotic desires using Jack Morin's erotic equation: the struggle we overcame plus the triumph on the other side often reveals exactly what turns us on most. We'll talk about the pleasure thieves that block self-knowledge (stress, trauma, and shame), why mindful self-pleasure is one of the fastest paths to understanding your own arousal, and how naming what you want to feel during sex changes everything about how you ask for it. If you've ever felt like you're just going through the motions in bed, this episode is your permission slip to get curious about yourself again. ABOUT EMILY: Emily Morse is a Doctor of Human Sexuality, author and host of the #1 rated Sex with Emily podcast. Known as a renowned sexologist, Dr. Emily has helped millions of people around the world navigate their sex lives. Her candid and often funny conversations challenge cultural taboos, misinformation and awkward sex talks to create a future where people can deeply connect and embrace pleasure-filled lives. Because, life is too short for bad sex. CONNECT WITH EMILY: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexwithemily/ X: https://twitter.com/sexwithemily Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexwithemily TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexwithemily Threads: https://www.threads.net/@sexwithemily WANT MORE? Visit the Website: https://sexwithemily.com/ which includes FREE guides. Free Downloadable Guides: https://sexwithemily.com/guides/ Text With Me: https://sexwithemily.com/text Receive Sex Tips On The Regular: https://sexwithemily.com/subscribe Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Go to http://sexwithemily.com/coaching to apply! Chapters: 0:00 Welcome to Sex With Emily 2:51 The Fourth Pillar of Sex IQ: Self-Knowledge 3:36 Breathing Exercise 4:23 What Self-Knowledge Really Mean? 6:23 Why Self-Pleasure Is the Key to Self-Discovery 7:06 Your Core Desires 8:09 Common Struggles That Shape Your Turn-Ons 13:55 Examples of Core Desires 16:57 What Your Fantasies Reveal About You 18:03 The Pleasure Thieves 20:17 How to Put Self-Knowledge Into Practice 24:06 Weekly Self-Knowledge Action Steps 26:27 Q&A: Rebuilding Trust After a Broken Boundary 31:43 Final Thoughts Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	I am so excited to finally share this with you.
0:02.6	I am going on tour.
0:04.4	It is the best sex ever tour.
0:07.3	And I hope you'll join me.
0:09.0	And the show is all about you, the audience.
0:11.5	Every night, I'm going to be answering your questions, win prizes, and leave with secrets
0:17.3	to have the best sex ever.
0:19.7	Every night is different because the show is all about you.
0:23.5	So here's the dates, July 7th in Rosemont, Illinois at Zanies, then heading to Philadelphia on
0:29.0	August 5th, Nashville on September 29th, and Austin on October 7th. More cities to come.
0:36.2	Come with your partner, your friends fly solo. You'll leave with
0:39.4	practical tools. Plenty of laughs. Maybe some surprises. We'll definitely some surprises. Visit
0:45.4	sex withemly.com slash events for tickets and tour information. I will see you there. Can't wait to
0:51.6	meet you. Why am I even having sex? What self-knowledge really means?
0:56.0	We can't ask for what we want in the bedroom if we don't actually know what we want.
1:01.0	Masturbation, you guys, remember, is the key to so much self-knowledge.
1:06.0	Sex can be like robotic or automatic or very performative,
1:09.0	but when we tune into what we're actually
1:11.2	feeling, who's more likely to have that knowing about what actually feels good.
1:16.2	Freeing yourself from any shame you might feel around what you want to feel during sex.
1:23.6	Hey everyone, welcome to Sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily and my mission is to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate conversation around sex.
1:34.3	This show is all about you.
	...

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