How to Have a Smear Test

Nobody Panic

Plosive, Tessa Coates and Stevie Martin

Education, Comedy, Society & Culture

4.8 • 933 Ratings

🗓️ 12 April 2022

⏱️ 35 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Listen. Nobody likes them, but if you’ve got a cervix you gotta do it. You just gotta. Here’s a whistle-stop journey through a smear, colposcopy and biopsy, no holds barred, telling it like it is, and giving you plenty of reason to relax and breathe through it. And if you haven’t got a cervix, listen anyway because it’s nice to know hey?

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Recorded by Naomi Parnell and edited by Clarissa Maycock for Plosive.

Additional editing by Ben Williams.

Photos by Marco Vittur, jingle by David Dobson.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	And the Hello, welcome to nobody panic. Hey Tessa, hey Stephen, hey people, are you ready
0:22.9	Are you ready? Stevie Martin is there a Stevie Martin here is she ready to come in?
0:27.8	Oh Oh even my little role play there sent a chill through me and through me of waiting waiting waiting
0:34.7	just waiting to go in the room for the smear test here we go if you listen to me
0:41.4	my I don't need smirtest because I don't have a cervix.
0:44.3	Fine, but you might learn something.
0:46.8	Yeah, it's interesting.
0:48.1	Stay with us.
0:49.1	The answer is yes.
0:50.1	As everyone can learn.
0:51.5	Also, you know, it helps you to relate to the people in your life who do have to have one because when they're like,
0:56.3	I'm not going to bother, you can be like, do, it's fine.
1:00.0	Yeah, or they might say, oh, I've got to go for one, I'm absolutely I'm absolutely to listen to this podcast, and they'll be like, oh my God, you ally,
1:07.7	and then they'll snog you.
1:09.7	If that's what you want, being an ally is all about getting laid.
1:14.0	Snugs.
1:15.0	Snugs.
1:17.0	There's not, people don't say the word snogg enough.
1:19.0	No.
1:20.0	What is the current youth term?
1:21.0	Aligh.
1:22.0	Aligh. Aligh. is anagram of lay.
	...

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